Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Thank you for participating in the session.
Please find the questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.
Question 1. I Believe I Know Little About Islam and I Feel Bad About This
I’m a Muslim girl Alhamdulillah. I have a lot of stuff happening in my life.
With career being stuck so bad as a medical professional.
Another cause of my anxiety and depression is friendship with a male non-Muslim guy for almost 4 yrs now and we have developed some bond between us but we both don’t know how to help him draw closer to Islam. With him being stuck with his medical exams and me here low on imaan and struggling with stress and anxiety about my future overall.
Our families and community are another issue. This kind of relationship is not acceptable here. Even if he were to revert to Islam. I feel like m stuck so bad that this is taking a toll on my mental health and peace.
Question 2. Don’t Want to Live in His Village with His Family
I got married 3 months ago. It was like love marriage but I had seen him only on video call and he doesn’t look that bad there but in reality, he is uglier and shorter. After getting married he took me to his village and it’s too cold and I was a person with cold fear from childhood. He knows this but he wanna settle his business so we will have to stay here my whole life because he is not that educated, he will not be able to start any business again. His family is also different. His mother doesn’t have that affection with him because he has stayed abroad 10 years and not visited here so they only talk to him in need of money.
He has given a lot to them but still they want him to start his business here or again he can go to abroad but not where I belong. Here he was little bit normal but after coming here he changed. He will only be happy with me if I will stay here and live like villagers, he is forcing me to go and get connected with them. I do talk with them when they visit me but I don’t like to say things which they will spread and I don’t wanna people like that.
I know that staying here will make him more like them he will never gonna improve in namaz and all and not even with me. What should I do I sacrificed I thought not to judge person with look but now his personality is also bitter. What should I do? I do talk but I feel so depressed like he will only love me if I will stay in this village, and his family members and also his family want me to not go to my mother’s house. Suggest me plz my mother is very sad my whole family is sad.
Question 3. I Need Help to Gain Back My Faith
Assalamualaikum, I need help, I’m losing my faith in Allah. I’m isolated. I don’t want to but there is no one to help me and I keep praying Allah about all the things that keep me down and depressed.
But I feel like He is not answering. I had a good relationship with Allah but being a Muslim I’m suffering through depression, confusion and many other problems. I’m grateful to other things but some things take away that gratefulness. I kept asking why Allah won’t answer me and now I’ve lost interest. I’m confused with various questions like am I sure my religion is right, or being born in a Hindu country. I’m now confused and seeing their religion and still confused which is more right. I don’t know if I’m supposed to say this but Allah took away a lot, my friends, my loved one, my dreams and still I’m trying to pray but I’m tired and done I now feel line discovering other religions.
Question 4. Suffering from Ill-Treatment
The way people treat me makes me so ashamed of myself and makes me ask questions if am different from Allah’s creation. Because for me being alive today and nothing doing as job or visa here, meanwhile they are people who could help but when I will try getting close to them the treat me like I’m not a human.
Question 5. Husband Doesn’t Allow Wearing Hijab
I’m a born Muslim married to born Muslim man for 16 years. We both didn’t have a practicing life before marriage, however I used to pray on and off. After marriage and our first born, I said my tauba and started to practice properly, pray, fast, give zakat etc., he doesn’t.
He doesn’t drink alcohol or smoke, we eat halal only etc. He never stopped me from my practices and never stopped me from teaching the kids either. I started wearing hijab and that’s when conflict started. He refuses to accept me wearing my hijab. After 1.5 years I took it off because he was continuously fighting, passing negative comments on my looks and even no longer find interest with me intimately. He said if he wanted a hijabi wife he would’ve married one on the first place.
I have since 2 kids (10 yrs since I took off hijab) now I decided to put it back on. He again started his friction between us and said since I pray, fast, give zakat and I dress modestly (no short sleeve or revealing clothes), I wear a scarf always around my neck to cover my aura and neck, if I just don’t cover my hair its ok. I don’t want my daughters to see us fight all the time and have a negative feeling build up towards their father.
My question is, can I dress modestly given that everything is covered except my face, hands and hair, because I am tired and fed-up of these daily fights, arguments and the comments? Will I be sinful? I am not as young as I was, hence I don’t have the patience to deal with his responses/reaction and tantrums…because of this my health is getting effected mentally (anxiety, panic attacks) and physically (high blood pressure). Will I be sinful? Will my practices prayer, fast, zakat etc. not be valid?
Question 6. Mother In-Law Struggles
I have been married for just 5 months now. I come to visit him every month for 2 weeks, to which I stay in the home with him and his mother and father.
Recently his mother had begun bashing me to my husband stating I do not do enough around the house when I visit, i.e., clean and cook. I try to help her cook, but when I do, she tells me to leave the kitchen and go to the room. When I start to clean the room when my husband goes to work, she comes and stops me and does it herself. I tell her I can do it, but she does not let me. I am tired of her constantly trying to make me look bad to my husband when I am trying to help but she refuses to let me, then complains that I do nothing.
She even had the audacity to tell me I won’t be a good mother when the time comes. I tell my husband these things but he does nothing. He just tells me this is the way his mother is. I do everything to respect her, but get no respect in return. It is really putting a toll on our marriage. When I visit him, I don’t eat or leave the room because I feel so uncomfortable and I end up crying almost every day. It makes me feel like is the marriage even worth it if I get bashed every day and no one to have my back or support me.
Question 7. How to Deal with Teenage Issues
I have a daughter of 16 years. She is talking to all the boys and doesn’t want to restrict herself from that. a I have told her that unnecessary communication with boys even if they are your class mates are not appropriate but she doesn’t seem to understand and keeps on chatting with several boys who are not his class mates or school mates. I am really upset and don’t know how to handle the situation. I have taken away her phone but can’t make her stop going to school.
Question 8. What to Do with Hours of Free Time?
How should one realistically spend their free time if everything feels meaningless?
When I google it says do dhikr, read Quran, join community.
I am not outgoing and there are no Islamic things I can join at the moment except once in a few months, girls/Muslimah event or Friday Jumuah etc.
I tried reading Quran in hours of free time but it is not something I can do more than few pages. I can’t get myself to do one productive thing after another for 4 to 5 hours.
Even house chores. I have always struggled with spending hours on chores or errands. I do what needs to get done maybe max 15 mins a day. My husband ma shaa Allah helps a lot especially with cooking so maybe just 1x a week we have busy chore day.
My time goes by quickly and fun when we visit friends and chat and play fun board games or go drive around, or plan parties (basically potluck).
I can read for 30 mins a day and even fiction but when I consume too much tv and books I start to get lazy at work. So, it is something I want to limit.
I literally just stare at the wall or ruminate all day long… I don’t know what is fun to do that also makes time go by while also getting rewards and not being idle.
One thing I plan to do is learning a skill to boost career but that is during work time 9-5 and again 30 mins a day.
I want to know leisure activities that God won’t mind in us doing every day without guilt and fear conscious of me wasting my day. One activity is swimming but it is winter.
Please help. I can’t find anything. Example watching Youtube is so easy to do for hours. But doing puzzles or painting etc. is not something I do for more than 15 mins.
Monday, Feb. 05, 2024 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT
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