Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Question 1.  About bad intrusive thoughts and waswas

Mquestion is about someone who has OCD and waswas and they even worry maybe they don’t have waswas because they think their symptoms don’t match waswas and so the question is if someone has lots of intrusive bad negative thoughts about Islam and these negative thoughts has been affecting his/her imaan and decreasing their mental health because they feel disconnected to Allah (S.W.T) and so how does someone know if they are intentional with their bad thoughts or unintentional because we know that the shayatan attacks someone with bad thoughts suddenly and that is waswas but what about someone who has a negative feeling and that bad emotion and that feeling makes or drives them have a bad thought about Islam and also when they have a negative thought they also sometimes have the urge to smile or have feeling of smiling is that considered them getting out of fold of Islam? And of course, they know that their urge to smile is not intentional but they question that intention as well. So how do they know if they have committed a huge major sin? Or is this all just waswas?

Question 2. Marriage

I am in a situation where I’m waiting for a boy to send marriage proposal to my house but he says he wants to get settled first which he doesn’t know when he will be. Then recently I met this new boy who want to get married to me and make it halal. I’m confused what should I do will this be wrong for the boy I am waiting for? Should I keep waiting? I don’t want to have haram relationship anymore I want to get married.

Question 3. A brother in the masjid

Assalam Alaikum,

I have been struggling a lot lately because of a brother I saw on campus 2 years ago. I’ve come to develop feelings for him and it is eating me alive. I’ve never spoken to him unless it was to get my questions answered regarding the deen and we both would go our separate ways. As of lately I’ve been bumping into him at the Masjid and at school. We’ve been making eye contact a lot and I try my best to lower my gaze, but it’s been so bad that now my body reacts to his gaze, his presence, or just me thinking about him. I’ve been fantasizing about him and it’s just horrible, especially with Ramadan around the corner, I do not want to keep struggling with this. I’ve been struggling with my desires more than ever lately and he is at the center of all of them. I really need help and I wouldn’t mind getting married to him, but we are both in Uni and the odds of him approaching me due to being from different backgrounds are slim to none. I keep making dua and asking Allah to help me overcome my nafs or make this happen if it’s best for me. Please advise me on how to move on and control these urges I keep having because of him. Jazakallah Khairan.

Question 4. How to deal with waswas and bad thoughts with contradictions and things that attack my faith in Allah SWT

I just really wanted to know how I can fix or get help with these bad thoughts with contradictions on Islam. I am learning Islam on my own. I was born into Islam Alhamdulillah but I didn’t have really good guidance growing up and now I have been learning about Islam. I overthink a lot which has caused me to question myself at times. I was doing very fine when I came back to Islam but then I experienced something called waswas which I didn’t know anything about. I am still dealing with it as well as in learning Islam I am the only one doing it I don’t want to give up I love Allah, so I want to keep going but it does get very hard as well as I don’t want to be ungrateful to Allah knowing I could be dealing with a greater capacity then what I’m going through right now. I just really want to get closer to Allah but there is like a barrier or always an obstacle in that in my house.

I can’t really read Quran or pray I feel like an outsider or to myself I can’t cry or let things out how I want to because I don’t want to annoy others. I am not very sure what to do and it’s like there more I want to get away from things Allah does not like such as music etc. I can’t cause it’s all a around me so I don’t know what to do I just want to be closer to Allah and please Allah not displease Him. I can’t really even do school or anything because of the waswas. I think about Allah every day all day and sometimes I want to stop because of the waswas, every time I think of Allah the waswas makes me say something bad about Allah as if I was saying it but I would never. It’s been really hard I just want to know what to do how to get back on track and to get rid of it I just need help please help me if you can shukran

Question 5. Not having Personal boundary due to my sister & mental health affecting

AoA. I’m 26 years old girl. I have an elder sister who loves me & I love her too. But as time is passing by, my relation with my sister is getting ruined. She has depression due to various reasons. She is extremely aggressive & is controlling. She is sensitive when it comes to her & gets verbally brutal towards me & my mother over little arguments. Now it is affecting my mental health. Whenever I try to help her, I fail. She always accuses others of her feelings & what she has become but doesn’t look at her own behavior. I tried to convince her to get psychological help (online if she can’t get it in person). She is unmarried & now she doesn’t want to get married because she is tired of getting in front of match-makers & getting rejections. I share my room with her (we belong to a middle-class family). I don’t have any authority of my own. She doesn’t respect my boundaries as an adult. I’m tired of this. Whenever she argues with our mother & speaks badly, I confront her & then I become the target of her anger. What to do in this situation? I’m unmarried right now. I don’t want to rush into marriage without having decent proposal & being mentally prepared. My mother is also hopeless in this situation. Mother complains to me about my sister & sister complains to me about mother. I get stuck in between them. My mother makes mistakes as well but my sister’s behavior is too bad. She also doesn’t let me do practice for freelance work as I want to invest in myself & get financially independent. I’m getting mentally upset by all this. My hair has turned gray due to mental tension I received. Kindly help!

Question 6. Husband ignores me

I been married for 15 years and my husband doesn’t pay me any attention. He never talks to me nor take me out. We only go out maybe twice a year. He never compliments me. The only time he really talks to me if he wants to be intimate or want me to cook. He’s always lying to me so I can’t trust him. We had counseling several times but when it only worked for a month or so because he feels it’s nothing wrong with him. I’m so tired of being married and feeling lonely. I asked him to leave and he won’t. I’m lost on what to do.

Question 7. How do I cope with my husband making me feel unrespected and inferior

I am the second wife of my husband, but I and my co wife live separately. But whenever my husband is in my house they always communicated romantically in my presence and sometimes he lied of being at my place right in my presence. Whenever he is with his first wife, he speaks to me casually but when he is with me, he speaks with his first wife freely and romantically. So, I always feel hurt, jealous, unrespected and inferior. What can I do to gain my sanity because I am losing myself already. I am always crying and feeling angry at myself for going into a polygamous marriage.

Question 8. He is selfish

Assalamualaikum. I am married and it’s been a year but only after few months my husband started to ignore me as if I just don’t exist. Whenever I ask him why is he doing this, did I do something wrong? He only says that he needs some space. And he doesn’t like me being around him everytime so. When he comes home for 2 straight hours, I don’t speak to him that maybe he has a workload and he is just stressing over it. But even after that he won’t talk to me. He will talk to his side of family for like 2 3 hours and when I come to him, he will just say that he has a headache or he is busy. Whenever I text him or call him, he never responds. He only says that he needs more space more time accept me as his wife. But he was the one who wanted to marry early. I don’t know how to deal with this please help.