Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for your questions. Please find 6 more questions from the last live session about family and relationship issues.

Thanks for your patience.

Question 1.  Inquiry about how to deal with my husband and his way

My husband wants me to help his business. But our style of working is different and I am getting stress from helping him. I explained to him and asked him to find another work partner whom can help his business work and grow up.

I understand why he wants me to help him because we are living & dealing with my country. But every time when the work is involved, we start to fight. And I don’t want this to happen again. I’m so tired.

I want to be a good wife & support my husband. But his way is giving me stress.

What can I do?

Wa alaikom salam, sister,

Thanks for turning to us.

I understand your situation, and indeed, working together can take a toll on your marriage.

Being husband and wife are roles, while being colleagues are other ones, and this may bring conflict into the relationship.

You do not detail exactly what the source of conflict is. You say that your working styles are different, and this makes me wonder whether there are some ways out there to collaborate.

I am not sure whether you have worked before or in what setting, but you may have had other colleagues who also had a different working style. How did you manage to tolerate and accept those differences? Is it possible to apply these ways to your work with your husband?

I am not sure what his way is or what gives you stress, so it is difficult to advise beyond the general. You can try to talk to a counselor, revealing more details about the problem and seeking more specific, solution-focused advice. Try to formulate your concern. What is this about? Communication? Money issues? Problem-solving differences, or differing pace or organization style?

General advice would be to try to set boundaries and clearly define what the role and task of each of you are. Then give free hand to dealing with your own task in the way one best finds to do that. It is okay if you have different approaches. If he is the “boss,” you need to only focus on your task and let him navigate through the rest of the challenges.

If he asks for your opinion beyond that, you may explain it, but without trying to impose your way of delaying the issue. If he assumes responsibility, let him decide, even if you would do it in another way. Let him decide what he will do with your input—either follow it, transform it, or prefer not to take it. Even if you are in your country and you may know some procedures better, stick to only helping with what he needs from you. At the same time, he also has to put your trust in you once he entrusted you with a task.

On the other hand, if you are responsible for some things, try to outline clearly what you expect from him in terms of outcome, but let him decide how he will do that.

At the same time, it is also important to set boundaries between the two roles and make sure that you have enough time for each other as husband and wife when you bond without mentioning work-related topics. You need to keep up with your main roles as husband and wife and strengthen your marriage on an emotional level.

You have to learn to distinguish work stress from personal stress and understand each other when it comes to tension. It may not be about you as a wife; his stress may be related to the challenges of the work. And the same applies to you.

Don’t take those moments personally and bring them home, turning them into relationship stress. At the same time, being closer to each other than normal colleagues does not give you permission to cross boundaries when you deal with each other as colleagues.

You both need to maintain respect, just like you would with other co-workers.

This situation will require good communication between both of you and deeper understanding and acceptance. I am sure that there can be many blessings in this test if you see what you can learn about yourself and others and increase your taqwa.

If you find that after trying your best, it does not work, kindly try to seek other solutions, like involving someone else he trusts who still has similar expertise as you.

May Allah make it easy for you, ameen.

Question 2.  Stay married?

aslawalikum

I just got married and everything was good until this year when I lost interest in women. I don’t know what happened, but I’m no longer attracted to my wife or any women instead I’m attracted to men and start to have bad thoughts and urges to act on them.

What should I do as I can no longer be intimate with my wife. Should we stay married?

And as time goes on, I’m getting stronger attractions to the same gender I don’t know what to do.

Please help me

Wa alaikom salam,

Thanks for writing to us. I am sorry to hear of your struggle.

You say that you do not know what happened, but you lost attraction to women, and you are no longer attracted to your wife either. Instead, you are attracted to men and have urges to act upon these desires.

I am sorry to hear this, brother; surely it is a test for your marriage. You say you do not know what happened, but are you sure that nothing has happened? Maybe not recently, but in the past? Or maybe not a big thing—just some tiny event or thought that got stuck in your brain and started to grow into something bigger? What can be behind these desires? What triggers them?

I assume, according to your letter, that you have experienced attraction to your wife or towards women in general in the past. So it means that you are “capable” of feeling these desires towards the opposite sex. It would be good to explore what triggers can strengthen other urges in you and make you lose interest in your wife.

If there are any, it would be important to define them and then work out a strategy in order to combat these triggers.

Surely, keeping fantasizing about them won’t help you; just increase your desires. Also, getting involved in certain activities or watching certain content can increase your curiosity.

I am not sure, but if you think anything above can apply to you, kindly try to change these habits and make conscious efforts to avoid them.

Also, regarding intimacy with your wife, you may think about how you can spark her interest in a halal way. You may try to discover new forms and ways of being together. Remember, your spouse is halal enjoyment for you, and expect some clear prohibition. There are many things you can enjoy together.

I am not sure whether you are able to communicate about your needs and fantasies (halal ones) with each other or whether sexuality is taboo in your relationship. Good and sincere communication could help to bond on this level, in sha Allah.

So, my advice is: first, try to look into this change and what is behind it. Try to identify any triggers and combat them. Try to focus on your wife and the halal enjoyment of marital life by being creative and trying new things together.

I think it is a bit early to think about separating from her if you still have the chance to turn things back. Take this as a test, as a marital challenge, and as a test of desires. Allah will test us in one way or another, and we should also remember the promise of Satan, who said that it will work on separating husband and wife.

Regarding transparency, you have to find a way to communicate this thing in a way that rather helps than aggravates the situation with her. Think about how much information she would be okay with and would not lose the trust you both need in order to work together on this challenge. Imagine: who would be happy to hear that his husband is fantasizing about someone else and, as a result, losing interest in her?

By no means am I saying that you need to hide or lie about what is happening, but rather be mindful of not hurting her feelings unnecessarily, especially if you decide that you will try to gain back your interest in her. If time goes by, you will see what is best for her—who has the right to intimacy in marriage and deserves a husband who can provide her with this right.

So, first try to see what can be done; try all the means to work on and gain back your attraction while fighting those unwanted urges. If, for some reason, this won’t be enough, you may look into this more in depth with a Muslim counselor or couple counselor and ask for mediation and more tips.

I hope this helps.

May Allah make it easy for you.

Question 3. Unhappy Marriage

During this period of 8th months before marriage I was not able to feel emotionally connected with my fiancée, he was less talker, I never felt that care and affection from his side and he didn’t even try. He used to call once in a week and few times he ended up taunting me that really hurt me and made me cry every now n then. I had strong intuition that marrying him was not right decision, Almighty even put thoughts of my future with him no. of times but I didn’t react as if I was willing moving towards the disaster. I told my mother & brother but they brain washed me by saying he’s simple guy who doesn’t have exposure of talking to girls. Knowing everything I married by putting my trust on Allah. When we got married as we were not that connected rather than making me feel comfortable, he literally tormented me on very first days of marriage which left me crying for weeks and left deep scar on my brain and heart. I was a girl who had never interacted with boys so I had that fairytale kind of expectations which were turned to nightmare. It’s been seven months to marriage, in between this period I conceived and then miscarried but his non caring, non chalant attitude is same. He doesn’t even talk to me in front of his parents. His and mine relation is only confined to our bedroom. I feel used, I don’t feel any affection or warmth from him. I feel he is stranger to me with whom I share bed. We don’t talk much and if I’ll talk, he misinterprets my words and then takes every matter to his mother and at end I prefer staying quiet. These seven months have been stressful and suffocating for me there’s not been a single day when I don’t cry, I feel helpless, abandoned. His parents are caring towards me but my husband who is supposed to be mine shows no care even when I was expecting. If I visit my mother’s place, he keeps on asking when u’ll be back but after I’m back he’s that stranger once again. I once told him about same then he accuses me by saying it’s due to your behaviour. I tried my best to work on this relation but it’s not getting better. On Eid we had tiff I told him I’ll go back to my mother’s place and won’t come back he said I’ll talk to my father and went away for whole day he didn’t even talk to me and acted like he was least bothered about my words.  I finally came home after a day since then he didn’t bother to call to check on me. It was his father who called me on 15th day.  have told my parents to tell me what I have to do either I have to go with the flow and live my life in this loveless marriage and have mental breakdown or try to seek happiness by moving out of this relation. I am at my parents’ place but still I am emotional wreck with the thought what’s going to happen in future.

Wa alaikom salam, dear sister,

Thank you for writing to us.

I am really sorry to hear about what is going on in your marriage. According to what you relate, this indeed does not seem like a happy situation, and the current atmosphere is not sustainable.

You have not felt connected since your engagement; as I understand it, you never felt the affection and care from his side. You talk less, and it feels like he is a stranger with whom you only share your bedroom.

As a result of this, you went back to your parents almost a month ago, and you are still there. You have not received any calls, only from his father after 2 weeks.

Sister, this clearly does not sound good. Was this an arranged marriage? Did both of you have their consent to marry each other?

How much did you know about each other? What made you marry each other?

I am not sure what is going on in your husband’s mind, but his behavior shows that he is not content with this situation either.

Sister, I am not sure about the background of your marriage, but it is very important that both of you consent and have the willingness to initiate this marriage. We should not marry for the sake of the family and parental pressure, because it can have devastating consequences.

I do not know what happened, but if this was the case—either from his family’s side or from yours too—unfortunately, it is something you will need to face as a consequence of a forced marriage.

What the families can and should learn in these cases is to realize that if Allah does not put love in their hearts for each other, they can do what they want, but a marriage won’t work. And what you, as spouses, have to learn is to stand up for your choices and make sure you are active participants in your life choices.

If you consented to this marriage, but he does not, he has to be fair enough not to blame you, as you have entered into this union with good faith and a willingness to start a new life together. It is not your fault that he does not want to be in this marriage.

On the other hand, if you have both consented to the marriage and made a promise and a decision to be together, then both of you have the responsibility to work on this marriage and make efforts to get to know each other, to bond, to give each other your rights, and to fulfill your duties. Avoiding confrontation won’t solve the situation between both of you.

In this case, I would initiate a conversation about what makes him not caring and interested and what he would need in order to feel more motivated to be with you. These are questions you can also ask yourself about him: What do you like about him? What do you need in order to feel well and motivated enough?

You need to talk and discuss and see how to move on from this point; that is not sustainable. Going back to your family can be a temporary break, but it is not the solution. You both have to face this conflict and talk and, also, listen to each other.

Every marriage has an initial, adjusting phase; it can be expected that sometimes this does not go as smoothly as it could. You may need to learn about each other, have some willingness to sacrifice, and be ready to start a phase of life where “we” have priority over “me.” It is about learning to compromise, to adapt, and to seek what others need. It is also taking responsibility for our deeds, asking ourselves: What can I do for this marriage?

There can be many things to do, sister, and with work, your marriage can survive this breakdown. But I emphasize that both of you have to want this to happen. So, you need to ask yourselves and answer this question sincerely, and be ready to let this go if any of you have surely no willingness or any hope to continue this marriage.

Know, sister, that you deserve a happy marital life, and to be able to form a family, receive kindness and good treatment from your husband. These are fine expectations, and you can ask for answers if he is not there. You are worth being looked after and cared for, and your husband is interested in you and your well-being.

You may involve a third party—either a counselor, an imam, or a family member—who discusses with you, but not instead of you, what is happening and what can be done to fix it.

Divorce is not taken lightly, and Allah knows whether we have really tried to fix issues, whether there are valid reasons to separate, or not. There are some, and we do not have to suffer in a marriage that has no future. Read more about this here:

So I advise you to turn to Allah, seek His guidance, and make dua to help you find the way in this situation.

May Allah make it easy for you. sister

Question 4. Verbal abuse Islam

Assalamualaikum,

I am not sure where to start. I am a converted Muslim, been married for 20 years. My husband had a problem trusting me after our 2nd child. Due to his mistrust, he started doubting me and controlling me. We used to have fights but after some time, everything became normal again. He used to be socially very nice with the people outside in parties but then come home and be physically and verbally abusive to me in front of our children for the same men that he laughed in the parties with. The fights were so bad that I had a miscarriage but we had a 3rd child later on. He never understood the reason of my miscarriage were his constant doubts on me but he blamed me for it, never accepted his mistake. Fights became so bad 3 years ago, when he turned 50 that it became non-stop, in front of the kids. He called me nasty, extremely bad and vulgar things in front of the teenage kids, and that’s when I decided to pack the bags and went to my parents. Then, when my parents took my side, as he came to their house and started telling each incident of how characterless I was, they suggested to forget all things for the sake of children.

Then, he left the house for few weeks so we can stay apart, and think straight. He came back to the house, and it started all over again. But, now he started calling bad names and non-Muslims all the time to my family members. Then, he stopped me from going to my uncle’s wedding as they are non-Muslim and also did the same with my teenage daughter, calling her non-Muslim many times. My daughter, alhamdulliah, reads more Namaz than us, she was extremely hurt. I left to my parents’ house again for the whole summer, he became physical (which he called accident), then after few months I came back giving him another chance as he apologized and said he will never be disrespectful and controlling. I just asked him for some time for me to heal, and drifted away from him, meaning just keeping quite in the same house, but he wants everything to be fixed in 1 day. He wants me to be normal with him and forget everything. I told him to give me some time, but it’s a continuous cycle where I ask him for time to heal, he says ok he will give me time, but also wants to fix everything in 1 day and when I don’t do it, he starts verbally abusing again and now tells me it’s my fault as I am not accepting his apology. I have practically no social life or friends. I tell him I need time to heal my wounds, but instead of being patient with me, he is inflicting me with more wounds, every day giving me more painful memories. Finally, I served him with divorce notice, but he apologized, and said he will behave but the cycle is still continuing. Both of my older kids are against him, my house is a mess where everyone curses at each other. He is up to that point where he wants to control everything I do, checks my phone messages as he thinks I am planning to divorce him and run away with someone. He accuses me of not accepting his apology and not being a good Muslim as Muslims are supposed to forget and forgive and move on. He thinks he wants to end the fight but I am continuing it. All because he wants to finish it in one day and I don’t and when I don’t, he starts verbally abusing me again. The cycle goes on and on. By the way, he does not have good relations with his family and didn’t talk to his own mother for many-many years until she died recently. What does Islam say about this? Am I not a good Muslim if I divorce him? I just don’t want my children to think this is acceptable behavior and then they have a similar spouse in the future. Also, I am worried about their marriage in future if they will be accepted in good Muslim families, if someone finds out my kids are from divorced family, with non-Muslim mother? Will they be accepted in good families? Sorry to vent but please help.

Wa alaikom salam, sister,

I am sorry to hear what is going on in your marriage.

I am not sure, but what you present here sounds like some trust issues are going on from his side that result in extreme controlling, angry, and verbally abusive behavior, which is not actually acceptable.

I am not sure what makes him angry or what your fights are about; it is not really clear what his problem actually is with you or what the issues are that he can’t get over and has to fight about.

One thing is sure: this is not the way to deal with conflict; one has to learn to deal with his or her emotions and be able to discuss problems in a respectful way.

He wants you to forget him and forget everything, but you need time, and this is also understandable.

What I want to say here is that whatever your fights are about, accountability for your deeds and for your promises should be a must. I mean, if he promises not to do it again, there should be consequences when this happens. Also, if you go back to him, saying that you will forgive, then you have to try your best not to continue fighting.

You say something like, he wants to finish it in one day and I don’t and when I don’t, he starts verbally abusing me again.

What does this mean from your side? Why do you not want to finish fighting?

And if you say that my house is a mess where everyone curses at each other, I understand that your husband is not the only one who is verbally abusive, but there are fights back, etc.

What I would like to tell you, sister, is that, firstly, we are all accountable for our deeds. Whatever wrong is happening to you, you still have to make sure that you deal with it with the same respect you rightly feel you deserve.

You won’t be able to fix his behavior, but you can fix yours, and you cannot tell that you behave wrong because of him, just like he can’t put the blame on you for his shortcomings. No, everyone is responsible for his or her own actions and deeds.

You do not have to endure abuse; this is not what I am saying. But I do not really understand, what made you go back when you went back to your parents’ house twice, at least? What made you go back, or what made you go back before you felt ready to do that? That was your choice, right? If you went back, did that mean that you were ready to start it again? What was it that you really felt? If not, what made you accept going back to a place where you do not feel good and respected, especially when you were not ready to move on?

In marriage, we have some rights and duties, and spouses make a commitment and a promise to try their best to fulfill those duties towards each other. There are some situations when divorce is the lesser wrong or harmful thing, like in the case of abuse, for example. It is not about being a good Muslim or not. You can read more about it here.

Also, the relationship with his family is something he has to work on and see how he can bring the best out of a situation. It is again a relationship with mutual duties and rights that both parents and children have to commit to.

Regarding your children, yes, ideally, they should experience healthy communication and conflict resolution at home. In every family, there are conflicts and disagreements. The question is, how do parties deal with each other? Can they respect, forgive, repent, admit mistakes, work on them together, etc.? In this case, what you can control is your behavior, so try to make sure that what you present them with is okay. Focus on your behavior and try to be a good role model, holding yourself committed to admitting your mistakes and working on them.

So, what you have to do, sister, is to think about what you want, and if you make a decision, hold yourself accountable for that. If you decide to separate, then do it, but be firm in your decision and seek the guidance and help of Allah.

But if you decide to stay, then you have to make efforts and work on your issues and on this marriage by holding yourselves accountable for your actions and words. What does this mean? You both have to learn to deal with each other in a respectful manner, to communicate and discuss matters, to understand each other, and so on. The question should be asked: What exactly will you plan to do to fix the problems you are having? This goes to your husband too: empty promises do not mean anything; what matters is concrete action and steps towards self-improvement.

I advise you to talk to a counselor in one-on-one counseling, more in depth, and see how you can change this situation for the better and what you need in order to feel better, whatever your choice is. If you need time to heal, take it and seek help and guidance.

May Allah make it easy for you.

Question 5. Zina

Assalaamu waleikum

Is it bad to marry a woman who has committed adultery Zina (even though she has repented)?  Because it increases the chance of the man getting diseases such as HIV, Aids, etc. And the women will most likely never get over it that she has been intimate with a man or multiple men. Does that also mean that she won’t be a good wife to her husband and also a good mother to her children? And also, is there women in Europe (Western countries) who have never committed zina and never been in a haram relationship? because this is giving me a negative view on women here in the west, most women here in Europe I see, are in a haram relationship or have been. Please correct me on this because I need an answer on this topic. I would appreciate very much.

Jazakllah kheiran

Wa alaikom salam, brother,

Thanks for writing to us.

You are asking about whether a man can marry a woman who has committed zina, even though she has repented. I am not sure whether this part of the question is about a Muslim woman or not.

You say that they are most likely to bring diseases like HIV and AIDS, and you most likely won’t get over the fact that he had multiple intimate relationships with men.

Dear brother, I am not sure where these assumptions come from or whether you have any evidence that someone who had a partner before marriage won’t be able to overcome them, and that increases the chance of getting diseases like AIDS.

While committing zina is a sin, it does not necessarily mean that the person who committed it had many partners. And getting a disease like HIV increases when someone lives a promiscuous lifestyle and has many partners. According to this report, to get HIV on a single occasion, it takes between 0.04 and 0-08%, which is equivalent to 1 transmission per between 2,500 and 1234 exposures.

Regarding not being able to overcome multiple partners, what about widows or legally married and divorced couples who were intimate prior to others? Do you know about the wives of the Prophet, who were also divorced or widowed women?

Also, do your assumptions apply to your understanding of men who had been with other women prior to marriage? Can’t they be good husbands and good fathers, according to your idea?

In Islam, we believe that Allah has prohibited extramarital relationships and adultery. The reason behind this is the protection of family, lineage, and, in large, the healthy functioning of the whole society. In marriage, duties and rights are clearly defined for both men and women, and it provides a framework for enjoying our God-given gifts of love, romance, and intimacy.

Allah created us with desires for the opposite sex, and in and of itself, there is nothing wrong with these natural desires. But He commanded us, Muslims, to live and express our desires in a responsible way in marriage (a legal contract between two people, an agreement and commitment about duties and rights). Commitment brings responsibility for each other and for the children.

You know, while adultery is a major sin in Islam, it is not the only sin people can commit. People who have fallen into this sin may have fallen into it in different forms and extents and for different reasons. Some, for example, were not educated enough about what is right and what is wrong, while others were not able to resist their feelings or their desires. One may have fallen in love once, while others have many times. You can read more about zina here.

You have to look at it as a test of Allah; some are tested with their desires. And some fall, but many times they successfully overcome it, repent, and do not commit this sin again. If this is the case, we have no right to judge him or her according to his or her past, but according to who is in the present.

So, to answer your question, yes, they can be very good wives, very good mothers, or very pious individuals who have successfully overcome some tests of Allah. Similarly, there are very good husbands and fathers.

I am not sure how long you have been in Europe or in Western countries, but what you may experience is a cultural “shock” due to different norms in your home country and the West.

It is quite difficult to summarize the whole process of societal transformation in Western countries in a nutshell, but you may know that in Christianity, marriage serves a similar purpose. The normal form of relationship was marriage in the West too, until the 20^th century, when, due to societal changes, it slowly lost the same importance and individual freedom gained more value. There are many reasons behind this, from the rise of secular liberalism to the negative consequences of some religious rules. For example, the Catholic Church does not recognize divorce; it considers marriage a sacred, lifelong bond. 

By now, instead of religiously approved unions, new forms of partnerships are also legal, and people consider this normal. In their eyes, living in a partnership before or instead of marriage is not sinful, and it can be as valuable as marriage.

So, when you look at Western women or men, you have to look at them according to their norms, not the norms of Islam. They are non-Muslims, may not know the commands of Allah, and therefore cannot be held accountable according to the laws of the Sharia.

There are certainly women and men in Western countries who are good wives and mothers and have values and some form of morality—even not exactly the same as we have in Islam. 

With this being said, brother, I appreciate that you have turned to us with your concerns. I advise you not to generalize and to try not to be judgmental about men and women in Western societies. You, as a Muslim, are entitled to our views and values, and keep trusting in Allah, who is the Best Judge and Wisest One and who created the most suitable laws for humanity.

If you have met a woman who had committed zina in the past and repented, but now that she is a good Muslim, knows and practices her faith, is kind and compassionate, and has good morals and values, you can marry her and ask Allah to bring barakah into your marriage.

If you meet non-Muslims, you can talk to them and educate them about the values of Islamic marriage and what its benefits are. May Allah reward your efforts. Ameen

Question 6. Sterility

I have been married to my wife for 2 years. 2 months ago, I found out that I suffer from non-obstructive azoospermia. We did multiple opinions with different doctors and they all said the same. I then went ahead and did a TESE procedure in which they found no sperm at all. The biopsy said that I suffer from germ cell arrest which currently has no cure. I took these reports to multiple specialist, and they all said the same. This is the last stage of male infertility and I can never be a father. I can see that my wife is in despair. So is the rest of my family. Her family also knows that we are facing issues but they are not ready to accept that there is no way I can be a father. I don’t want them to later blame me saying that I ruined their daughter’s life. What should I do.

Salam alaikom, brother,

Thanks for writing to us and sharing your struggle. This is a difficult and challenging situation, and I really understand that it must be hard to face this news. May Allah make it easy for you, and may Allah help you to find comfort in Him and seek His guidance toward the best solution, etc.

You told me about how your wife and your family feel about this, which is also understandable, but I would also like to ask you: how do you feel about this? What are your feelings about the possible fact that you won’t be able to be a biological father?

I mean, while it seems that you hold yourself accountable for the situation that may result, you have to know that it is not your fault, brother, and this does not mean that you would not be a good husband or not worthy of being married to her or to someone else.

Masallah, it seems that you have a very fair and mature outlook on this situation. You can understand your wife and your family and be able to contemplate divorce, knowing that having a child is a right and also one purpose of marriage.

It is one purpose, but not the only purpose, and I am sure that there are many things you love about each other and hold yourself together as a couple.

What to do?

I would start discussions with your wife about this. Do you love her? Does she love you? Would you like to overcome these challenges together? I think you will need to be close together, talk and talk, support each other, and be ready to have open, sincere conversations and listenings.

If this was your qadr, somehow this was her qadr also, at least to experience this test, which may require a change in your future plans together. Try to talk about what each other wants and what your priorities are, and give each other time to think about them, and make sure you respect each other and are clear about your needs.

First, you may start adjusting yourselves to those plans that actually seem not to be possible, at least in the way you first imagined. Be together in this, and do not let each other alone with your struggles. It can be painful, sad, disappointing, etc. In moments like this, it is okay to feel all of these, so support each other through this mourning period (of your dreams). This has happened with the permission and will of Allah, and it is a test for yourselves and also as a couple. It was beyond your control and your knowledge prior to marriage—not the fault of anyone, no one here to blame, but rather to thank Allah for each and every test He gives us as an opportunity to grow and get closer to Him.

When you reach acceptance of Allah’s will in this matter, you may talk about whether there are any options that you can think about, like medical ones, taking care of an orphan, or adopting a child. You can still, if you want, in sha Allah, be parents together and raise children. Allah is the Most Merciful, the Greatest, and the Most Wise. And surely, there is something good in all His decrees, and I am sure that He has blessings for both of you.

So, I would say that there is no need to rush and make sudden decisions about your future. Just keep having sincere conversations and see what possibilities you have. You may involve a counselor or a mediator who will guide you through this period. Make dua, be patient, and also keep your respectful attitude towards each other’s needs. If she becomes convinced that her priority is to become a mother, then you may turn to an imam (mufti) and seek advice on legal procedures.

May Allah make it easy for you!