As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our live session sister.  You sound like a wonderful mom and your daughter is blessed to have you.  I hear your concern dear sister and feel your painj over the situation.  Sadly at this point there is not much you can do except keep the doors of communication open for her.  Often times when our children grow up and experience new things in life, they change.  Most of the time the change is only temporary and the child/adult returns to the foundations in which  they were taught concerning such as morals, values and religious obligations.  At this point in your daughters life, she may feel she is finding herself or redefining herself.  She may be experimentinmg with her identity and definetly her values.  Insha’Allah she will not make this a lifestyle and she will return to the path of Islam without too much harm being done..

I would kindly suggest dear sister that you try to be more of a friend now than ‘mom”. You have already taught her Islam, morals, values, ettiquette as well as gave her an education.  You provided her with a wonderful homelife and she was raised Islamically alhumdulilah.  Now it is time to take a different position.  I know that’s hard but as the stages for how we as parents deal with our children is clealy outlined Islamically and at this age we can be more of a benefit in the role of friend.  Of course you will always be mom to her but what she may need right now is a really good friend to confide in who does have her best interests at heart..

Perhaps try to spend more time with her going out for lunch, a walk in the park, whatever she and you would enjoy doing together.  While you want to try to guide her Islamically right now, the important thing is to gain her trust and her confidence.  In this way she may open up to you about  things she is thinking about, worries, future plans and even why her sudden change.  It may come slow sister, but  insha’Allah she will come to view you as her best friend and you may have the influence to help guide her back to the right path.  By taking this calmer approach, you are showing her that while you do disapprove of her current choices, you are still there for her and do respect her as an independent women who can and does make her own decisions.  While some of her decisions right now are not good ones, insha’Allah try to find some good points and focus on these.  These will be the points insha’Allah that you both can share with happiness and thus move you both forward in correcting some of the ones that are not Islamic.  You need to start somewhere and by focusing on her positive choices you may insha’Allah help her see how her other choices hurt her.  When trying to correct a wrong in someone, it is best to begin with positives, that way the person who is in need of guidence will be open insha’Allah as you see a good thing in them.  Again, as your role of friend sister may be a difficult one as you are her mother, please do rely upon Allah for strength and mercy.  Make duaa that he guide you in helping your daughter and that He guide your daughter back to the right path.

Insha’Allah this is a passing phase dear sister.  A painful one not only for you, but I think for her as well.  Deep down inside she knows insha’Allah that she is going against her very own nature, and insha’Allah she will soon realize that she slipped-like we all do in this life, and she will return to the practicing pious daughter that you raised.  You are in our prayers, please let us know how she is doing.