As salamu alaykum brother,

Shokran for writing to our live session.  From your question, I hear great pain, regret and remorse dear brother. It appears that someone whom you trusted very much has not only betrayed that trust but did acts with you that made you feel violated.  As I understand what happened, your ex-teacher needed help one time and asked you, and as a result, you became friends. During the course of this friendship, you stated he forced you to drink and made you perform sexual acts with him.

First of all dear brother, I understand how you feel may feel coerced, however when we do wrong we must take responsibility for our actions.  This is especially important when we seek forgiveness and repentance.  We are to be honest in our prayers.  We are to acknowledge our part in the sin.  You stated “he forced me to have alcohol with him, I told him I am a Muslim and this is haram” thus you knew it was alcohol, you knew it was wrong.  Additionally, after that incident of drinking alcohol and having sex, you felt horrible.  You cried and felt very bad and remorseful.  You stayed away from him for a while, however, within a few weeks you met him again, and did drink and have sex knowing full well what meeting him would lead to.

Brother, while it was, of course, sinful and haram what took place, it would not have happened if you had just left, walked away.  Often time we do this-we think we are strong enough to overcome temptations but we often fail. Sometimes we feel we must always respect elders, teachers, and others.  That is a good trait yes. However, we must never go beyond that which is permissible in our respect.  We cannot turn our backs on our Islamic principles for “man”.

While indeed he may have put something in your drink when he first mentioned alcohol you should have known nothing good would come of this.  However, like most of us, you felt you would not follow him in his haram ways, that you were strong enough. As you can see, it is dangerous thinking. Allah may test us and the shaitan is always happy when we fail. As you can see, it is best if we keep far from situations and people who may compromise our morals and deen.

Brother, we all have tests and trials in this life.  We all fail at times and we as humans, as Muslims, we sin.  That is why we have Allah to turn to.  I kindly suggest dear brother that you repent to Allah for these atrocious sins.  Fully repent and ask Allah swt to forgive you and to erase this from your mind.   Once we repent, we should try as hard as we can to put the sin behind us and not dwell on it.  Insha’Allah this experience will bring you closer to Allah as you can now see the dangers in drifting away.  Remember that Allah is most merciful and loves to forgive brother.   Once you have repented, forgive yourself.  If we trust in Allah and we trust in His “word” that He forgives our sins if we sincerely repent, then we have to let go of it and not keep rehashing it.  If we keep worrying and thinking about it, it only serves to cast doubt in our hearts as well as cause other emotional and spiritual struggles.  Give it to Allah, and move on in the right direction. AboutIslam (1) states “The most superior way of asking for forgiveness from Allah is: “O Allah! You are my Lord. None has the right to be worshiped except You. You created me and I am your servant and I abide by your covenant and promise as best I can. I seek refuge in you from the evil, which I have committed. I acknowledge your favor upon me and I know my sins, so forgive me, for verily none can forgive sin except you.”

If somebody recites this invocation during the night, and if he should die then, he will go to Paradise (or he will be from the people of Paradise). And if he recites it in the morning, and if he should die on the same day, he will have the same fate.” (Al-Bukhari)”

Trust in Allah’s mercy and forgiveness brother.  We wish you the best.