Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

It can be incredibly heart breaking to learn information about someone when you thought you knew everything about them. This is especially more difficult when this information is about one’s spouse. It has been very distressing for you to recently learn that your wife had premarital relations with her cousin in her teenage years. However, as distressing as it is, you want to find solace in the situation and alhamdulilah with the help of Allah you can find it with ease.

Whilst you haven’t raised the issue with her, all the information you have is from others and this information has been quite different so you don’t know the whole truth regarding the extent to which she had relations with him. If you talk to her about it, she may open up and tell you the truth, or she may deny it altogether, but with all the conflicting evidence it would be difficult to gauge whether she is telling the truth or not. This matter is with Allah, He is the one who knows the truth and will deal with the matter accordingly, whether this be forgiveness or punishment, this is for Allah to chose, not for me or you, or anyone for that matter. It is for us to trust that He is the most Just. What you can do is to ask Allah to forgive her wrongdoings, whether rot be that she is guilty of sin in the past, or any other thing. It will humble you and you feelings towards her to ask Allah’s forgiveness of her. This will also help you to forgive her too. After all, if you turn to Allah for her forgiveness, this will soften your heart towards her too. How can you ask Allah to forgive her, if you can’t forgive her too?

Furthermore, keep in mind, if it is true, then firstly, it was before you married and secondly, it was in her teenage years when hormones are rife. Not that that makes her actions necessarily any less of a sin, it is much less of a wrongdoing towards you as you feel. Keep in mind that before you married and even after she was not obliged to let you know of her past relationships. Sharing such details is never recommended and can only do damage to a relationship and therefore she did the right thing to try and save your marriage from this. Plus, these relations were out of wedlock and therefore a sin which it is not good to share. Most teenagers do things that they regret in adulthood and there is nothing that can be done about that except to learn from such mistakes. It may have been this relationship that lead her in a path of regret and repentance and with fear of Allah caused her to be more committed to you than she may have otherwise been if she had not done as she had.

Also, ask yourself the following questions too to help yourself reflect and move on.

Do you really need to confront her about it? What would you gain from it? Would it benefit your marriage to know the full details? Would it even make a difference it you knew or not?

May Allah forgive her wrongdoings whether there is truth in these rumors or not. May Allah ease your difficulties and make you wife the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.