AS

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

This is a difficult situation because of course you must obey your parents as is commanded by Allah, especially at your young age where you rely on them for much as you have yet to develop your independence. However, when they are encouraging you to do something that is disliked by Allah, that is freemixing and playing with females it is causing tension because your mom is getting angry with you for not playing with them, but you know that it is not OK for males and females to be together like this. Masha Allah you have a good understanding of some issues that even adults struggle with. Whilst you may be young and therefore the dangers less in such interactions, it is good to form good habits from a young age if possible such as observing modesty as you are trying. However, when your mom makes it difficult for you to decline, what can you do?

 

There are a couple of ways to approach this.

 

You could completely refuse to play with them as whilst we must obey our parents, we do not have to when they encourage or even force us to do something against Islam. However, in this case it will come at a big cost that your mom will get angry with you which will make things difficult for you. You know her better and K own the extent to which she will get angry and can guage better whether this is an option. If it is that she would only be angry for a short time and then we be fine again and it wouldn’t effect your relationship with her then perhaps it is worth the risk of disobeying her and avoiding playing with these girls and facing her anger for a short while, but for the pleasure of Allah and her anger will soon pass. If it is that her anger will not subside and she will continue to be angry for a long time and make things difficult for you, then you might consider alternatives options.

 

You could try being completely direct with your mom about why you don’t want to play with them and how you are aware of the dangers of freemixing with girls and that for the sake of Allah you don’t want to play with them. Also explain that this is not only for your benefit, but also for theirs too so that they don’t fall into sin as much as you.

 

If you are not comfortable to have this conversation yourself you could get someone that you know and trust to be with you when you have this conversation. Alternatively, you could take your concern to someone who might be able to talk to her themselves on your behalf. This would ideally be someone that you know you mom listens to and responds to well such as an elder relative or person in the community.

 

Alternatively, or in addition to the above, you can keep yourself busy in other things that you don’t have the time or space to even play with these girls. For example, of there are any boys that you could play with then meet with them first, or be busy in extra curricular activities such as sports or even study if you like to keep yourself busy that you cannot play with them.

 

If none of these options are available and you have no choice but to be around them, then as a minor who is not yet of the age where they will be held accountable then it might be argued that you can play with them. However, you know well yourself the possible dangers of this and how this might make freemixing something which is normal and acceptable to you. So, to avoid falling into this trap be careful about the tyo5of interaction you have with them as very soon you will enter the age where you will become accountable and you will observe why freemixing is not acceptable. Therefore, you might keep contact with them as minimal as possible, avoid any physical interaction and even too much verbal interaction also, avoid being in any situation where there is only you and one other girl together, instead, keep in a large group. What you could even do, is invite other boys to play too and then just let the natural happen as the girls go off and play together and you boys go off and play together.

 

May Allah reward your good intentions and may He be pleased with you. May He guide and keep you and your family on the straight path.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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