Dear Brother/Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Here are the 7 questions to which our counselor provided answers. If you cannot find yours below, please submit it once again or check our next counseling live session. 

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Feeling Disconnected, Judged, Embarrassed, Isolated…Help!

Salam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, I need help, and I’m worried.  Feeling sad, little happy, mad, feeling disconnected from myself, feeling judged, embarrassed, disconnected from myself, academic struggles, social isolated, and worry too much.
1. I used to be happy during childhood, when I was in I.E.P class. Since 7th grade.

2. And my parents and I were kicked out of that Special Ed class because it’s not a normal class to be. I felt depressed, treated differently, and had no friends at all in a regular classroom. I was bullied since 8th, 9th, 10th, and sometimes in 11th and 12th grade. And I struggle with hard math classes and end up getting F’s and D’s through 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th.

3. I feel socially isolated because I feel sad, have a lack of confidence and I’m shy.

4. I decided to quit college because my older sisters couldn’t trust me at work, and always underestimate my capabilities, and do the work for me. And she wants good grades and wants a good perfect score.

5. Always feeling disconnected from myself when I visit my relatives and my father’s family house. And struggling to greet people. Feel like this isn’t the real me.

6. Feeling judged, humiliate, and feeling judged when I eat junk food when my mom and my sisters are going say you’re getting fat.

7. And I feel low self-esteem, when my mom and my sisters always stare at my cousins that are boys. They always talk about how fancy they look, and I don’t want to compare myself to them, and sadly I get scared of my cousins because I was mean to them since when I was a child. Now, Hamdullah I’m 19 years old. Now I feel normal, sad, and a little happy.

8. Dislike jokes when older people joke, which seems unfair, and I joke too in a weird way sadly. And I don’t like when people yell at me, and I feel agitated.

9. Also, I have bad thoughts while I’m praying, and I feel worried, and I repent to Allah.

10. Also, I’m afraid of judgment day, death, and the three questions on the graveyard.

Please help me please, and I’m sorry if this is too much. And thank you.

Answer:

Question 2. Addiction

Question 3. Stressing About Things I Cannot Control

I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease few months ago, it got detected at early stage and it is manageable as long as I live a healthy lifestyle (InshaAllah). However, I cannot help but to worry about my future:
1) what if no one wants to marry me because I have autoimmune
2) what if I do get married, but I end up passing the disease to my kid?
3) what if I develop another type of autoimmune disease? (Once you have one, you are prone to develop another)
4) what if my other siblings also have this disease? I notice my youngest brother has some symptoms but I am afraid because I don’t want them to experience this (it sucks). He is 1 year in college with no insurance coverage. I plan to get him tested once he has insurance coverage (he needs to get a job first). But I am afraid it is too late by then? And I do not want to crush his life by telling him that he might have the disease (he is supposed to have fun in college)

I think my problem is I want perfection, I want to be able to control everything. When I cannot control things, I become anxious and cannot stop worrying which leads to stress.

Answer:

Question 4. Emotional Abuse: Is This a Good Reason for Divorce?

Since giving birth my marriage has gone downhill. My husband is constantly playing games or on social media. He doesn’t help around the house or with the baby. He started to emotionally abuse me by saying really nasty things and then saying he doesn’t mean it but the next argument repeats the same things. He also started to physically touch me when angry. He doesn’t take me out, nor buy me any gifts. I feel so alone and don’t know what to do.

Answer:

Question 5. Feeling Lonely Beside My Husband

Salam Alekum, I got married 7 years ago, my husband has a second wife in back home. 5 years ago, he started to become cold, his parents pressured him to marry the other wife. He is not happy with her but at the same time he started to lose interest in intimacy, romance, showing husbandly love, affection and care. He is not a bad person but he’s just not interested in me.

I feel so ignored and unloved. At a times I cried and wondered if I was not enough for him or there was something wrong with me. I have spoken to him many times and he says things will get better and that he is stressed. 5 years has passed by. When I initiate any physical contact, he either ignores me or take it as a joke. It used to hurt me really badly so over the years I have stopped. He never notices or shows interest. We have a 2-year-old so divorce is not an option but I am getting depressed day by day. We are living like friends. We go out eat and come back and sleep. No marital feelings or relation. Please advise me on what should I do I have tried everything, prayed, cried, talk to him. He told me few days ago that he’s just not interested in physical intimacy anymore.

Answer:

Question 6. My Religious OCD Is Back; Please Advise!

Assalamualaikum sister, I have been practicing Islam for a few years now and during this time, I’ve been through what I think is “religious OCD”. After struggling with that for quite some time, everything actually became normal. I didn’t repeat any Salah or have doubts about purity or any signs of religious OCD. I got out of this religious OCD by trying my best to ignore the doubts and thoughts which would disturb me in my acts of worship. It worked for some time and I didn’t have any problems. But recently, it started happening again, very little though but I fear that it will increase. I stop and restart salahs, because I feel like I made a mistake in any pronunciation. I’ve been getting doubts in my wudu because it feels like the water hasn’t reached all the places that are needed and when I check, those places do feel dry so I get confused if it’s actually OCD or not.

I want to put an end to this trouble in a way that it doesn’t come back. When it starts, it gets confusing for me to decide if it actually is OCD or not, which makes me lower my guards and I end up listening to the thoughts. It would be helpful if I could do it on my own without any professional help as I do not want to involve my family in this. I would very much appreciate your advice and solution to this. Thanks in advance

Answer:

Question 7. Conflicting Feelings About Who to Trust

Are people guaranteed their destination (Jannah & Jahannam) in the hereafter? I read in a hadith that someone once asked the prophet PBUH a similar question and he answered that we would find it easy to do that which leads us to our designated place in either Hell or Heaven and that we should strive for the best instead of relying on pure luck. Can you please discuss this and explain points about it in detail?

Also, I face many family problems, but my greatest struggle is not being able to express myself to my closest friends and family. I always fear being judged and prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. I know that sometimes bottling up our emotions is scary and unhealthy, but honestly, for n, now that’s my only option.

Also, I have conflicting feelings in my heart whenever I confide in someone or cry or complain about my problems in life whenever I feel like no one is paying attention to what I’m saying. I feel sorry for myself because I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful to Allah in any way. I know the prophet like prophets Yaqub & Ayyub, alaihi salam, had strong resolve and extreme patience and did only confide in Allah about their problems, but I want to feel heard it’s different having a conversation with people and talking to ALLAH although Allah does always come first. I also read that prophet PBUH said that it’s better to share our problems with others (those whom we trust, of course) because it’s better and more rewarding than living a life of self-contemplation.

Can you help me with my conflicting feelings I’m confused about whether I should stay away from people to avoid their harm or be able to find people I can confide in and trust. I know it’s good to make dua but should I talk to trustworthy people about my problems?

Answer: