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How to Deal with Attraction to Non-Muslims

Role of mother

If you’re a young man reading this, then I encourage you to reflect about what kind of mother you want for your children.

Most of the time, fathers are the ones who work and mothers are the ones who stay home and nurture their children. Their values and understanding of the deen directly impact upon the hearts of their impressionable young children. A mother who is not Muslim will be unable to nurture the hearts and souls of her children in a way that pleases Allah. 

Role of father

If you’re a young woman reading this, then I encourage you to think about the kind of father you’d like for your children. Children absorb so much simply from watching how we are. Seeing a father who establishes prayer, goes to the masjid, gives in charity, and so on, speaks far louder than a father who is not Muslim.

Seeing a father who is kind and supportive of their mother, as is the Prophetic way, sets a standard for children. A father who is not Muslim, no matter how well-intentioned, cannot offer the spiritual leadership so needed in a Muslim family. 

Prevention is better than cure

It’s not always easy, but try your best to speak to your parents about marriage long before you actually meet someone in college. It helps to understand what your parents hope for.

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Every family is different. Some parents make it clear that they’ll be the ones to choose their child’s spouse. Other parents have a list of requirements, like a preference for a certain profession, racial background, socioeconomic class, and so on. 

Some parents keep it very simple – just marry someone who a kind Muslim. Every family has different expectations, and it is up to you to figure it out, and reach a compromise. 

Preparing for marriage

Before college starts, make a commitment to actually learn the spirit and the law behind a successful Islamic marriage. It takes more than love for a marriage to work. It takes wisdom, patience, a willingness to grow, and most of all, a commitment to choose the path that pleases Allah. 

First published: July 2019

Pages: 1 2
About Raidah Shah Idil
Raidah Shah Idil is a mother of two, poet, writer, and dreamer. She has lived, worked and studied in Singapore, Australia, Jordan, and has laid down her roots in Malaysia, her ancestral home. Raidah is inspired by trauma healing work, the power of storytelling, and reconnecting with tradition. Many of her poems, articles, and stories have been published online, including Lunch Ticket, SBS, Daily Life and SISTERS Magazine. You can find Raidah hunting for patches of green, playing puppets with her young daughters, and writing when she really should be sleeping. Drop by her blog at, or visit her on Twitter @raidahshahidil.