How to Deal with Attraction to Non-Muslims

Imagine being a brand new college student. You’re excited to be away from home and looking forward to getting involved in college life.

You turn up to class, make new friends, and then you meet someone special. This person is warm, kind and intelligent – you are intrigued and attracted. This person is also not Muslim. What do you do?

Acknowledgement

Acknowledge that you’re feeling attracted to your non-Muslim friend. Even though you knew better, everyone makes mistakes. Treat this as an opportunity to grow, and reorient yourself to what is pleasing to Allah. 

Acceptance

Accept that you are struggling with feelings with attraction to your non-Muslim friend. Make space for these feelings. Don’t try to deny them or suppress them. Please don’t act on your feelings of attraction, but bring awareness to them. Denial and suppression don’t work in the long-run. Acceptance does. 

A Conscious Decision

Make a conscious decision to choose the path that is pleasing to Allah. As tempting as it may feel, there is no barakah in a pre-marital relationship with a non-Muslim. This path will only lead you to heartbreak and distance from Allah. Nobody is worth that kind of alienation from your Creator. 

Taqwa of Allah, and good character.” Abu Hurairah narrated that when the Messenger of Allah was asked about that for which people are admitted into Paradise the most, this is what he said. And he was asked about that for which people are admitted into the Fire the most, and he said: ” The mouth and the private parts.” (Tirmidhi)

Shared Values

Think about the values that matter most to you. Does living by Islam matter to you? Do you want your future children to be raised as Muslims? Do you want a spouse with whom you can connect with on a physical, emotional and spiritual level?

If living by Islam is a priority to you, then it’s important that you are honest with yourself. Think of the long-term plan for your life, as well as your afterlife. 

O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire, the fuel of which is human beings and stones, appointed on which are angels, stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in what He orders them, and do whatever they are ordered to do.” (At-Tahrim 66:6)

How to Deal with Attraction to Non-Muslims

Converting for marriage

Many people have entered Islam through getting married. There is tremendous reward in helping to facilitate a person coming to Islam. Countless converts have made good on their Islam, and have proven, over and over, to be so sincere in their journey to Allah. 

Sahl bin Sa’d (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to ‘Ali (May Allah be pleased with him), “By Allah, if a single person is guided by Allah through you, it will be better for you than a whole lot of red camels.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

Muslim families who understand this would warmly welcome a new convert. Unfortunately, Muslim families who have a racial preference for their future daughter and/or son-in-law may find it difficult at first. 

Going separate ways

Please remember that guidance can only come from Allah. There is no way you can force belief into a person’s heart. Even the beloved uncle of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) himself did not die on Islam. 

If the person you are attracted to has no interest in embracing Islam, then your relationship does not have a future. It is better for you to go separate ways sooner rather than later. The longer you hold on, then the harder it will be for you to let go. 

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About Raidah Shah Idil
Raidah Shah Idil is a mother of two, poet, writer, and dreamer. She has lived, worked and studied in Singapore, Australia, Jordan, and has laid down her roots in Malaysia, her ancestral home. Raidah is inspired by trauma healing work, the power of storytelling, and reconnecting with tradition. Many of her poems, articles, and stories have been published online, including Lunch Ticket, SBS, Daily Life and SISTERS Magazine. You can find Raidah hunting for patches of green, playing puppets with her young daughters, and writing when she really should be sleeping. Drop by her blog at www.raidahshahidil.com, or visit her on Twitter @raidahshahidil.