It Doesn’t Work!
What’s going to happen to your heart if you let yourself fall or get attached to the wrong people over and over? Chances are, you’ll be broken, bitter or just lose hope all together. It will change who you are.
If you’ve been dumped in your previous relationship, you’ll want to do the dumping in the next one to avoid that feeling, that pain again.
If you’ve been cheated on, you’ll be dramatically suspicious in the next one.
If you’ve been mistreated, ignored, or unloved, your self-esteem will hit rock bottom, and you’ll settle for less in the next one. And so on. Do you see where this dating stuff goes?
Not only that, but you’ll be lying and hiding A WHOLE LOT of your activities, as you’ll have to do when you are going against your religious principles.
Since we’re venturing into Islamic territory now, I’ll have to quote the Qur’an on this one:
“..And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers. And whoever denies the faith – his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.”(Al-Ma’idah 5:5)
I hear you. You’re not that type.
You’ve already found the one, and you’re the happiest lovebirds on the planet. You love each other and your intentions are purely pure. And it’s not even a secret cuz your parents know about your relationship (so jokes on me!).
Again, love is a beautiful, natural thing. Even righteous people in the olden days had feelings and desires. Love isn’t forbidden in Islam. It’s the label without the commitment that is the problem.
Don’t believe your boyfriend won’t ever pressure you into “proving” your love for him or blame you for being “cold” and “distant” (that’s guy code for: “let’s be CLOSER, cuddle and…”). Don’t think your girlfriend won’t also make moves or demands for more intimacy.
Being so in love naturally comes with physical desires and expectations. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be so keen on being alone!
It ALWAYS starts seemingly innocent enough with a long gaze, then holding hands or “just” a peck on the cheek, but soon enough the temptation will make everything spin out of control, and you’ll find yourself doing the unthinkable in a rush of hormones you have erroneously named “love”. Controlling yourself at this point will be dang near impossible.
Don’t you dare deny it, cuz you have at least seen it among friends or acquaintances. Are you next in line?
But What You Said Before…
Let’s answer the questions we started with, because it does sound like everything is haram in Islam.
But once you analyze it, you’ll see Allah only puts restrictions to protect you from something worse, and dating is no different.
Look at the world around you; we’re at the peak of openness, shamelessness, and secularism. If dating was the solution, why are cheating and divorce rates still going up?
But of course, don’t marry a total stranger! Make your decision unclouded by desires, hormones, and sweet-empty promises.
Get to know that person as a friend, in public, around your family, for who they really are, with no strings attached. Give yourself the right to make an informed decision.
You’re right, it’s YOUR life, and we don’t want you to screw it up!
And yes, love is a beautiful thing. Don’t ever give up the right to love and be loved, but let’s agree that true love is based on trust; and trust cannot be earned via haram activities. That just doesn’t make sense.