5 Ways to Find Forgiveness in All Relationships

”If they then repent, it will be better for them, but if they turn away, Allah will punish them with a painful torment in this worldly life and in the Hereafter. And there is none for them on earth as a Wali (supporter, protector) or a helper.”  ~ Qur’an 9:74 

With all of this time to think during the pandemic it’s a good time to reflect on the past. Is there something that bothers you, keeps you up at night that could do with some sorting out?

Everyone makes mistakes, right? Right! I am pretty sure even you have made a mistake, knowingly or unknowingly.

Perhaps, you have said something in the heat of the moment and later regretted it? The truth is, we all have been in that situation at some point, but sometimes mistakes can get us into bigger trouble and create bad situations that can lead to distancing and even losing a friend.

So, what can we do? Forgive? It may not be easy, sometimes it’s something you don’t even want to think about but to excuse or to pardon is something we must do. 

Annul the Anger 

Feeling angry towards someone can harm your health, ruin your day, destroy friendships, damage marriages and hurt family life. After all, shouting and yelling can never be a good thing.

Excessive anger, however, is considered unlawful in Islam because it causes resentment and confrontation. There is a hadith that advises you to dissolve your anger within three days and be the bigger person by initiating conversation and forgiveness.

A man came to the Prophet and he said, “Advise me.” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Do not be angry.” The man repeated his request and the Prophet said, “Do not be angry.”    ~ Bukhari Hadith 5765

Heal the Hatred 

Hatred is a much stronger emotion than anger that traps spite in our hearts. Unlike anger, which is more of a reaction to a situation, hatred grows and consumes us. It makes us obsess over how to take action for being hurt.

Negative thoughts trigger the fight-or-flight response in our bodies – meaning we want to fight and antagonize or simply take flight, leaving rather than be in the same place as the person who evokes our hatred. This gives rise to anxiety, dread or dislike which puts stress on the body (anger makes you sick!)

In Prophet Muhammad’s day he was called a “madman, a poet and a magician.” Hatred toward him even went so far to say anyone who follows him in the way of Islam will face torture or execution. Prophet Muhammad said nothing in return to settle, provoke or defend himself. So, be better and heal your hatred.  

Forgive them even if they are not sorry. let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

~ Qur’an 24:22

Persevere and be Patient 

Patience is one of the best virtues a Muslim can have. We are all tested in some form or manner through good and bad times.

If, for example, someone persists in doing something you asked them not to, exercise patience and believe in the faith of Allah so you are able to come through these moments without uttering unkind words, adverse reactions or getting angry. 

And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.”  

~ Qur’an 24:22

Rebuild Family Relationship

All relationships are important to maintain, but when it comes to family relations it is an Islamic obligation. Do not allow situations to be left for so long that it creates distances in relationships that are difficult to approach or revisit.

Do not opt for simply avoiding the situation by leaving the room, not attending family function’s or not having anything to do with them. Severing family ties is ‘cursed’ by Allah. Cursed – not just disliked or discouraged by cursed!

Instead, be polite and be civil – it is difficult and it is hard, but at the end of the day you will feel better for it having been the first one to acknowledge the situation and made an attempt to rebuild the relationship regardless of acceptance or rejection. 

The Prophet said, “Do not harbour grudge against one another, nor jealousy, nor enmity; and do not show your backs to one another; and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking with his brother beyond three days.

~ Riyad-al-Saliheen Hadith 17 1567

Find Forgiveness 

It’s easy to find faults with other people, just look at what they did? Did you hear what they said! But when it comes to one’s self, we tend to over look our own faults.

It does indeed take two to create a situation and no matter how innocent we think we are, we must look objectively – did we provoke/aggravate the situation in some way, knowingly or unknowingly, secretly or openly, intentionally or unintentionally? Acknowledge your fault and instead of finding faults – find forgiveness.

 Ask your Lord for forgiveness and then turn in repentance to Him…” 

Qur’an 11:3

Alhamdulillah, forgiveness is yours for the asking. 

With sincere repentance, even the greatest of sins can be wiped away.

About Nadia Ali
Nadia Ali is a freelance writer who was born in London, UK but now lives in the Caribbean. Her work has been published both online and in print. Her published credits include AboutIslam, Sisters Magazine, Aziza Magazine and Muslim Girl Magazine.