Talk about Sex
Acknowledge that sex is for pleasure, all within the sanctity of marriage.
Unlike more orthodox faiths where sex is seen solely as the means of procreation, Allah ta’ala makes sexual pleasure halal and a rewarded deed for those who engage in it within the sanctity of marriage.
This is important to acknowledge with the Muslim youth as it honors the institution of marriage for both husbands and wives, as the Qur’an describes both as garments for each other—to protect, provide comfort, and beautify.
This sends the message that sex is not dirty or shameful, a perception that can inevitably cause stress for married couples when it does not encompass the entirety of sexual relations within marriage.
The youth should therefore understand and look forward to sex as their right (and responsibility) for both pleasure and procreation, as sanctioned by Allah Himself.
At the same time, it’s important to speak without shame about procreation, including family planning, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding, as all of these are also part of the honor of human beings in continuing the plight of humanity.
Yes, it’s challenging
Acknowledge that taming the nafs is a challenge on its own.
It’s good to be honest with the youth: it’s not easy to simply lower one’s gaze and guard one’s private parts.
Shall we convey once again how overwhelming sexual content is today? But the rewards of doing so are abundant.
Helping the youth lower their gaze and guard their nafs includes talking about the issues at hand, about attraction to the opposite gender, finding good company, and channeling their time and energy towards healthy activities.
These activities do not necessarily need to be “Islamic” in nature, but at least focus on activities that stay away from the haram. Once the youth find the sweetness of all that is halal, it is the human fitrah that will slowly repel the haram.
Generally, good time management and good company keep the youth from falling into the trap of sexual desires.
Activities that will help them focus their energy on fruitful endeavors will inevitably help them lower their gaze and guard their modesty.
Ideally, this should be the norm for all Muslims.
But again, with this hyper-sexualized culture, rewarding teenagers for keeping away from sexual activity and influences should become the norm to reinforce their steadfastness in doing so.
Learning from the story of Adam (PBUH): Adam was chosen as the father of humanity but made possibly the biggest error in history, giving Iblis leeway to dehumanize his children into mere sexual objects until this very day.
Yet Adam (PBUH) repented and was forgiven for his own wrongdoing, and he granted Jannah as his resting abode for the entirety.
This is a reflection of honor in the creation of the human race, thus an important reminder to parents to not lose hope in their Muslim youth amidst the fitna that plagues society with respect to sexual activity.
Allah (SWT) speaks openly about sexual relations in the Qur’an, with honor and respect for those that take place between spouses, and this speech is always beautified and never explicit.
On the other hand, He also makes it very clear that zina and adultery are punishable offenses.
Of course, just as He kept it open for Adam (PBUH), the door of repentance is widely open to any caller, at any time of the day or night.
This keeps the faith in balance and shows how it should be acknowledged by both Muslim parents and youth.
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