A mutual friend expressed her nephew’s interest in getting married during the two short months of study vacation.
Her nephew, also a South African but living in Canada and studying in Madinah, decided to “meet” with Umm Zaynab, and after a few days, a marriage proposal came in.
“After 5 days of discussions with my parents, thinking, and istikhara, I said yes (even though initially I was sure I wasn’t ready to marry yet). Two weeks later, we were married, and I left home for good.”
The Culture of Marriage
After 24 years of a loving marriage, Umm Zaynab shares that Islam always came first in their many years together.
Also, she believes that their marriage did last so long, not through the seeking of respective rights, but because as a couple, she and her husband did not have preconceived expectations.
“We understood each other’s expectations and respected each other’s opinions, even if we disagreed on them.”
Whether it was the arranged marriage that helped build their union, she says: “It is more about knowing what is important for us in a marriage and what we were willing to give up or compromise on and what we are not.”
Zahira can relate. Both she and her spouse were products of typical British Indian upbringings and were introduced by a mutual friend.
“Compatibility is very important, as is communication and joint decisions on matters, especially when it affects the family.”
Not knowing her potential spouse and not feeling very inclined towards the relationship was a matter that she could not express when negotiations were ongoing.
“At that time, it was a case of ‘Allah will put love in your hearts towards each other after you get married.’ So something as trivial as [lack of] ‘feelings’ just wasn’t accepted.”
“So I went ahead and said yes, and I told myself it would all be ok, and sooner or later I’d feel something towards him.”
Zahira’s marriage took an unfortunate turn for the worse from day one, where she endured abuse that spiralled dangerously out of control until she found the courage to leave, 8 years and 2 children later.
From our archives.
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