Read Part 1

Different “norms”

“You don’t love me!” lashes out the wife at the husband.

“What?” – says the husband. “I have bought you many gifts. I pay the rent and the food. How can you say I do not love you?”

Tears well up in the wife’s eyes. “I wish you would whisper nice words to me. I wish you spent more time with me.”

Reality is subjective. Love, respect, freedom, and responsibility are all universal words, yet they might bear a different meaning to us based on our previous experiences and knowledge.

You match when you can peacefully accept and consider your spouse’s reality. And you don’t feel the need to force your understanding of reality on them.

Different personalities

People’s personalities—including good Muslims—differ.

Could a practical person plan a future with a spontaneous person? What about an impulsive person with a disciplined one?

Could a reserved, thoughtful person enjoy being with a sociable, fun-loving person? Maybe.

They do say that opposites attract, but statistics report that similarity will bond spouses closer together in the long run.

You match when you can appreciate your spouse’s personality and tolerate their annoying habits.

You are on the same page in regards to core values—those norms, customs, and personality traits that are highly important for your happiness—while you find common ground with the rest of your expectations.

Question 3: Have you analyzed your future spouse? 

Ok, so you have the butterflies; you are a self-awareness guru, and you’ve talked so much about values, norms, and beliefs that your mouth has gotten dry. Bonus: Their personalities don’t drive you crazy.

Before Marriage, How to Know She is The One?

So, can you get married now?

Let’s hold on just a bit more. For the final stage, get your inner Sherlock out to check if you have Mr. or Mrs. Perfect.

While it’s easy to only see stars during the “halal dating” phase, it’s important to see through the haze and ask yourself some guiding questions.

• How does your spouse react when you disagree with his opinion? Dealing with different opinions is the number one skill you need in a marriage. 

• What do they do when you need help? This is important for women in particular. Ask him to do something for you and test how reliable he is. 

• How do they interact with their parents and siblings? How do their parents interact with each other?

We learn essential skills—communication, problem-solving, attitudes, roles, etc.—from the people who are closest to us: our family. 

For example, the way your in-laws talk to each other is probably going to be the way your spouse talks to you.

If your father-in-law washes dishes and irons his clothes, chances are high your husband-to-be will oftentimes rescue you from some household chores. (Mind you, if the relationship with their parents is not good, they might act completely opposite!)

Like many non-Muslims, you would miss a lot if you didn’t observe your spouse in their “natural environment.”

Ready for marriage!

Let’s summarize:

• Have you gained enough self-knowledge?
• Do the two of you really match?
• Have you thoroughly analyzed your future spouse? 

If your answers are YES, then congrats! You are NOW ready for marriage, even if you are “too young.”

The article is from the archives.