8, Orgasm Should Not Be the Goal

“Yes, orgasms are fantastic, but don’t just focus on when/how/if you’re going to get there. Getting to know one another’s bodies is as much a part of the sexual experience as orgasm. Being able to learn what your partner likes and doesn’t like is part of the fun.

For some people, it can take literally years before they figure out how to orgasm with another person, so don’t expect it to happen right off the bat.”

9, If You Are a Man, You Might Come Really Quickly

While women probably won’t have an orgasm the first time around, men can face the complete opposite problem. It’s totally fine! By time, you will learn how to control yourself.

Just focus on being in the moment and on your partner’s needs, and don’t worry so much about when you’ll come. Even if you do finish super quickly, don’t panic — you can just turn your attention to pleasing your partner.

10, Don’t Freak Out If Erectile Dysfunction Happens to You

“This doesn’t mean you’re broken or you’re horrible in bed. This can happen to anyone with a penis (regardless of your age), and that pressure and nerves can definitely play a role. If you’re having trouble, take a deep breath, remind yourself that this is normal, and then try to focus on all the stuff that currently feels awesome.”

11, Sex with Your Spouse is Not Like in Porn

Hopefully, you have never had any experience with porn. But if, God forbid, you have been exposed to porn before, you must know that real life sex is not what you saw in those movies.  

“All that violent thrusting and those acrobatic positions aren’t actually things that everyone enjoys, especially not your first go around. It takes a while to figure out how to do things in a way that feels good.”

12, Talk to Your Spouse When You Want to Start a Family

If your first time involves a penis ejaculating inside a vagina, you can absolutely get pregnant. Remember, you should be communicating with your husband-to-be before the first night, so major questions such as whether or not you will start a family right away are already discussed and dealt with.

13, Don’t Worry If the First Time Wasn’t up to Your Expectations

Whether you had a good or bad first time, you don’t need to worry about it being an omen for what sex will always be like for you.

Make the most of your first night, but do not become so stressed thinking about the first night that you do not enjoy it! Relax, breathe, go slow, and remind yourself that being a little anxious is normal.

This article is from our archives.