Alhumdulillah, taking a big break sometimes works! Even little breaks, which is another recommended sunnah, can work too. 

“Distance to heal from both sides. Involving common friends and family who were willing to help and give advice to both without any bias. Seek help from mawlana who is a counsellor (chose someone who is women-empowering because it’s hard to find those mawlanas.) Understanding the situation from a third eye and kids point of view.

“In our case it was miscommunication so working on speaking with intention and clear communication from both sides was key. What mattered most was we were both willing to work it out just didn’t know how. So finding out “how” and working around it was very helpful.“- T.F.

Also getting help via a third party was a marriage saver for several of the women we spoke to.

5 – You MUST Get Some Kind of Help

Sister J cited her marriage-saving solution: Deferment to mediators (usually slightly older/more experienced/ respected by both parties) and their solutions on seemingly unsolvable issues has helped us get over some humps. Not sure if that strategy will get me all the way to “’til death do us part” but it’s gotten me to 6 1/2 years.

Seeking outside counselling is suggested as one of the steps to avoid divorce in Islam, yet it’s such a huge taboo. Is there a tactful way to convince your reluctant spouse to go to counselling?

How to Save Your Marriage? Our Counselor Has Answers

Counselor Naaila Moumaris-Clay says, “No. If a person won’t go you can’t make them. I wouldn’t advise anyone to come to counseling who isn’t invested in it. He or she won’t benefit from it. Counseling doesn’t mean a divorce will be prevented either. If you come to us and it appears toxic, and folks won’t do the work, we’ll recommend divorce.“

Marriage is a lot of work and hopefully some fun too! If you feel yours isn’t working, we hope some of the above advice speaks to you.