Recently, a video emerged of a Muslim woman advertising for a husband via a Muslim marriage app. The lady is dressed in a wedding gown and she carries a sign saying she is ready for nikkah.
Clearly, such marriage advertisement apps targeting Muslims have popped up in recent years, where Muslims can create a profile in order to search for a spouse.
There is nothing wrong with such apps as long as they follow Islamic etiquette and manners. However, this app and others similar to it make Muslims look desperate and portray the wrong idea about Islamic marriage.
We live in a digital world, so many will ask, what is wrong with looking for spouse on the internet? Absolutely nothing, but it has to be done correctly.
Parading yourself in the streets, dressed in a wedding attire and carrying a placard just screams desperation, lack of dignity, and is somewhat uncouth.
There are many ways where young men and women can go about searching for a suitable spouse to get married without stooping to reckless measures.
Marriage Is Getting Harder
Why are Muslims going to these extremes in the first place?
The answer is simple: Marriage is getting harder and harder these days due to financial and societal factors, besides other ones. We are seeing many Muslims marrying at a much older age, something that has a detrimental impact on our community.
Getting Married During Financial Crisis
The first major factor for today’s youth marriage crisis is financial. We have just emerged from two years of on and off lockdowns in most of the world.
This has had a great impact on the world economy. This year, we have seen prices soar in all areas of life, including fuel, energy, and food prices.
The UK has just announced that the UK will go into recession in the final months of the year and there is a threat of recession in other countries like the US and Canada also. This obviously affects everyone, including Muslim youth.
Rates of unemployment will go up, not to mention the cost of living, pushing families into more poverty.
Poverty is also a big issue that already exists in Muslim majority countries, making it increasingly difficult for people to be able to afford to get married and have families of their own. Although we are aware as Muslims that Allah says,
“And He (Allah) will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.” Quran 65:3
We are also aware that many families will not entertain the thought of marriage if the groom-to-be doesn’t have sufficient finances to provide for their daughter.
Thus, this puts pressure on the young man and his family and, as a consequence, delays any marriage until he has managed to save up enough money in order to provide for his future wife and family.
This is why many Muslims are marrying at an older age than they did before. The cost of living is not going to ease any time soon, but the expectations are just getting higher and higher.
So how can they get around this issue? It is very difficult to navigate being young in today’s world and living in this cost of living crisis that we are all experiencing.
Societal Pressure in the West
Secondly, especially for Muslims in the West, there is the societal pressure they feel from their non-Muslim friends and colleagues.
Growing up in the West has its advantages, especially when you see the many challenges the Muslim world faces. However, it also has its disadvantages.
Young Muslims see their non-Muslim friends have relationships outside of marriage, and it is normal for non-Muslims to live like this.
If parents do not educate their sons and daughters properly about Islam and why relationships outside of marriage are not allowed, the temptation for our youth to get into relationships like this will be too great to resist.
The idea of sex outside of marriage is common all over the western world. It is promoted as being normal and healthy. On the contrary, waiting for sex after marriage is considered something “prudish” and “ultra-conservative.”
It can be dangerous for young Muslim minds when they are trying to combine the modern western views with their Muslim identity. Confusion sets in, and they often feel they do not fit in here or there.
As parents, we need to be there, and be ready to advise them and guide them to the right way of finding a spouse.
When we leave them to understand marriage by themselves, we will push them to feel that they need to take desperate measures in order to marry, as in the above advert.
Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman searching for a spouse and actively taking part in that search, there is a more modest way to do it.
Lady Khadija (RA) and Her Proposal
Lady Khadjiah (RA) searched for a husband and asked about Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) from the people who knew him. If you are a woman, especially a convert without a community around, it is understandable that you might take this path when you wish to marry.
But how you do it is key.
If you are desperate and immodest in your attitude, you can expect fake love and exploitation of your despair. Instead, speak to your parents or relatives who can help. You can also go on well-reputed matchmaking sites in order to look for a spouse. Ask the ladies at the mosque if they know of anyone who is ready to marry.
These methods are better ways to ensure you receive what you desire: mutual trust, respect, love and Islamic attitudes in your future marriage.
Support Them, Not Hinder Them
We do live in a world that is getting more complicated for young people. Let’s recognize that and see how we can help them.
If your son or daughter is looking for a marriage and they want to marry early, do not put enormous pressure on the groom to have the standard of living you have after twenty or more years of hard work and effort.
The best thing to do is offer financial support for the young couple until they are able to manage by themselves.
You can offer to pay their rent if they are still at college, for example. If we are living in the West, we have to understand its reality and how non-Muslims live.
Try to understand the predicament our children find themselves in. Instead of chastising them for wanting to marry so they avoid zina, we should do our best to help them.
Our Muslim youth face many challenges we never faced as young Muslims. They live in a world that openly promotes that sex out of marriage is good and yet they are told they have to wait.
They need help in finding a suitable spouse and we have to guide them as much as we can so that they do not fall into sin and desperation.
Let’s be there with real support besides the lots of dua to Allah that they will be rightly guided and find spouses so that they can have happy marriages for the rest of their lives.