That time of month comes again and, with it, brings disappointment and a deep sorrow. I’ve experienced this for five years before my daughter was born. Many women struggling to have a baby will understand immediately what I mean.
It took me five years to have my daughter. With it came heartache, grief, frustration, a lot of tears and many tests, pokes and prods for both my husband and myself.
Not being able to get pregnant is a very hard test to go through. It leaves you shattered and broken at times. What is worse is when everyone around you seems to be pregnant. Some don’t want to even tell you in case you give them the “evil eye”. Others seem to rub salt into the wound, ‘they only have to look at their husband and they are pregnant’! Oh yes, I have heard so many cold, piercing comments like that.
My daughter finally came after 5 years of trying and just as we were about to undergo treatment. We were ecstatic and over the moon. It was the biggest proof that when Allah says “be” it simply happens! SubhanAllah.
After the birth of our daughter, our plan was to wait a few months and then try again as it took so long for us to get our first baby.
We soon realized though, that we are not in control of our lives, as we might like to think, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So after the treatment and a wait of 3 years to make sure there was no recurrence, we were given the go ahead to try again. We are back to square one again because it simply isn’t happening and time is not on our side like before, as I am older.
However, what is on our side is the experience of last time. What we have learned from it and how we learned to handle the heartbreak of having a period every month. And it is exactly this advice I would like to share with sisters who are struggling to have a baby, whether it is their first or second.
1- First and foremost, never stop making dua.
Every night before I sleep, I ask Allah to send us a baby. It can become so hard and we can become so depressed that sometimes we just give up. I am reminded, though, of how Prophet Ibrahim (AS) never stopped making dua for a child and Allah accepted his dua when he least expected it.
2- Have that time to grieve when the period comes.
This may sound weird, but if you hold the emotions in, it is going to make you more and more depressed. Every time my time of the month comes, I allow myself to be sad for a couple of days to let out the emotion of heartbreak. I am then able to pick myself up after a couple of days, focus on the blessings I have in my life and keep the hope and faith that it will happen when it is meant to happen.
3- Treat yourself.
When I am having my “sad days” I focus on myself to pull myself up. I will eat my favorite snacks, buy myself a little treat or just pamper myself with a beauty treatment, a good book and a long bath. These things pick me up, and it is what we need from time to time, to make ourselves feel better.
4- Be open with your husband.
He is going through this as well. Each of you is there to support the other one. You can also treat yourselves with a date night. This should be making you both stronger as a couple and not driving you a part.