However, the real reason is their fear of losing her love, loyalty, focus, and obedience. The prime example of this is when a righteous girl, who habitually observes all the limits of Islam from even before her marriage, becomes a target of manipulation and control by her husband.
A clear test of whether a husband possesses true gheerah (praiseworthy jealousy) or is just controlling, is whether or not he obeys the rules and restrictions of Islam himself.
Since Allah has ordered us in the Quran to always take Prophet Muhammad as our role model, we should recall when he (if ever) tried to control his wives in such a way?
Advocate of Foreplay During Marital Intimacy
In some cultures, manliness is equated with certain manners, beliefs, and habits that border on arrogance and uncouthness that are prohibited in Islam, e.g., overeating and belching loudly; picking unnecessary fights with other men; swearing, and regarding women with disdain and contempt.
Men who have such a mindset consider the act of showing patient gentleness towards their wives before and during sexual intimacy as an antithesis to being manly, assertive, powerful and “in control”.
The Prophet, however, made it very clear to Muslim men that they should not climb on top of their wives like animals, without arousing them first with foreplay, using loving words and kisses.
Conclusion: A Loving Family Man
While many fathers and husbands might be loving and tender behind closed doors, they hesitate to display care for their wives and daughters in public, especially in front of other men. Not so was the Prophet!
The Prophet openly showed love for his daughters. He would kiss and secretly converse with Fatimah in front of others.
Contrast that to the negative reaction some modern-day Muslim men show to the good news of a daughter’s birth – a reaction similar to the one shown by pagan Arabs during the era of ignorance.
Chivalry, honesty, integrity, fairness, justice, gentleness, compassion, and empathy: the Prophet embodied all these positive qualities in his cordial and successful relationships with the women in his life; qualities that we all should try to acquire and incorporate into our own lives.
This article is from our archive, originally published on an earlier date and highlighted here for its importance.