Do Not Point Fingers. It is Allah’s will
The next thing to focus on is to steer clear of the blame game. It is easy for spouses to start blaming one another when infertility rears its ugly head.
But this kind of blaming is really just a sign that a couple has forgotten where their children truly come from. Allah tells us in the Quran:
{And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best.} (Qur’an 16:72)
Our sustenance, our spouses, our children, even our own lives are all from Allah.
Blaming someone for not having children is like blaming someone for dying.
It is out of our control. Allah gives life and causes death. If we cannot have children, it is Allah’s will alone and no one’s fault.
When blame replaces belief in Allah’s will, spouses become regretful and resentful. And this toxicity is the opposite of how Allah tells us to live together:
{And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.} (Qur’an 30:21)
Looking at the stories of Adam (peace be upon him) who had no mother or father; Mary who bore Jesus (peace be upon him) while still a virgin; and Abraham (peace be upon him) and Sarah who conceived very late in life, has helped remind me and my husband that Allah has a plan for us and for our offspring, whether we have children in this life or pray for perfect children in Jannah.
Help Each Other to Be Thankful
No matter how much we have, we human beings always have the capacity to make ourselves miserable over what we don’t have.
But we can also make a choice to be satisfied with what Allah has given us.
We can look at couples with tons of perfect children and get stuck in our thinking about what we want.
Or we can think of all the other blessings that Allah has given us. It is about perspective and gratitude.
Without children, my husband and I have come to really enjoy our marriage.
We have become great friends, teammates, and a family. We have fun together, and we try to protect each other.
We are striving for the same goal and we are a constant reminder to each other.
We thank Allah for all that we have and sometimes we forget that we “should” be sad that we don’t have children.
Inability to have children does not have to be a death sentence to a marriage.
The life of this world will always be riddled with tests, whether those tests are through our children or through not having children at all.
All we can do is use the ways in which Allah tests us to become closer to Him.
All we can do is ask Allah to make our hearts content and even joyful with what He has chosen for us.
***
This article is from our archive, published on an earlier date, and highlighted here for its importance.
Pages: 1 2