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In Marriage, Pick Your Battles

To Love

Allah (SWT) says in the glorious Qur’an:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.

Allah emphasizes in this verse the importance of love and mercy between spouses.

Indeed in that are signs for people who give thought. And of His signs are the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.” (Ar-Rum: 22)

Although conflict is healthy at times, love needs to take precedence.

We need to know when to draw the line and how to fight cleanly. Love and mercy should go hand in hand.

Loving Words

In Marriage, Pick Your Battles

Loving words are very important in a marriage, and they need to be there all the time. A loving word goes a long way, instilling confidence and security in our spouse’s heart.

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Praying Together

Years ago, Imam Moutie Saban, a local Cape Town sheikh, said on the Voice of the Cape radio station that one of the acts a couple should do together is prayer.

Prayer is paramount in every Muslim home, and doing this together creates harmony and unity.

He added that the best time for couples to discuss issues that trouble them is after they have prayed together.


A big part of the equation for a happy marriage is the in-laws.

For a healthy relationship with your in-laws, start with respect, honour, and trust, and you will be on the right track.

Love yourself

Love starts with you. Being kind to yourself allows you to be kind to those around you.

E.E Cummings once said,

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

The real secret to a happy marriage is balance. You and your spouse need to be lovers and fighters. You just have to pick your fights and learn how to love.


From the archives.

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About Fatima Bheekoo-Shah
Fatima Bheekoo-Shah is the author of "Saffron" (A collection of personal narratives by Muslim women), a freelance writer and book reviewer. She resides in Gauteng, South Africa. A book nerd and avid reader, Fatima is always looking for her next great read.