Being married is beautiful, but it takes work.
We asked our marriage counselor what tips she had for couples that are facing trying times in their marriages.
Check out the marriage-saving advice she gives for spouses to consider.
Patience
Question: Patience is always recommended to people who are frustrated in their marriage. How can you tell when you have been patient enough but your marriage isn’t getting better? Maybe it’s even getting worse!
Answer: This is a difficult question and probably one that many contemplate at some point in their marriage.
You don’t want to leave in haste with regrets. But at the same time, you don’t want to endure the frustration any longer than necessary if it’s not going to work.
Especially if being patient any longer is only going to cause you undue distress.
Here are a couple of things to consider when deciding whether you have been patient enough or if you should wait longer.
Begin by contemplating the following questions:
- Does happiness outweigh sadness and frustration? Which of these emotions is the most prevalent?
- When sharing happy times with your spouse, can you let go of frustrations or do they linger still?
- When you are feeling frustrated with your spouse, can you fondly remember the happy times or does frustration still dominate your thoughts?
If you are really feeling sad at the end of your marriage, rather than acting on impulse, set a particular time frame.
During this time, promise yourself to continue to be patient while actively trying to make the marriage work.
At the end of the time period, if you’re still feeling the same and no improvements have been observed, be confident that you have tried your best. Make Istihara and Bismillah.
Seeking counseling
Question: Seeking outside counseling is suggested as one of the steps to avoid divorce, yet it’s such a huge taboo. Is there a tactful way to convince a reluctant spouse to seek counseling?
Answer: That is correct. It is wise to attend counseling when facing marital difficulties as a means to try and work out any differences and difficulties. And insha’Allah, a divorce can be avoided.
However, in some cultures, counseling is taboo, and it’s not uncommon for one spouse to propose counseling while the other spouse, for whatever reason, shows no interest.
It might be argued that if both spouses don’t agree to attend counseling in the face of marital conflicts, then the marriage runs the risk of following a course for divorce.
To some extent, this might hold true. However, before you surrender hope, there are ways that you could convince a reluctant spouse to attend, or otherwise benefit from counseling in other ways.
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