What is an Islamic divorce?
An Islamic divorce is basically the dissolution of the marriage contract.
It can be accomplished through a few different processes, including talaq (male-initiated divorce) and khula (female-initiated divorce).
In some cases, if the understood responsibilities of the marriage contract are breached or deception is found, annulment of the marriage is possible as well.
“Know your rights given by God,” Zahra explains, “and know what you are meant to expect as far as provision, duty of care, kindness, and mercy by your husband.”
Henrietta adds that in her counseling practice, some of the most common challenges her clients come to her to resolve include these “gray-area” complaints.
She hears statements like; “I’m unable to exercise my full power in this marriage.” “I’m taken for granted,” “We love each other but cannot seem to work together as a couple,” “My spouse’s family is too much/too difficult for me,” and “I’m really unfulfilled in this marriage.”
These “grey area” challenging situations may or may not be improved through divorce.
So in many such cases, individual coaching and therapy are smart first steps.
Divorce and abuse
When it comes to domestic abuse and other toxic dynamics, why do some couples end up staying in toxic relationships instead of getting divorced?
Henrietta explains,
“Toxicity is a deep-rooted pattern neurobiologically, and it is hard to move away from something we are familiar with. People often do not see the relationship as toxic, which is one of the major problems.”
Zahra Summayah shares that she sees many new Muslimahs who are faced with toxic marriages and struggle to keep their faith as a consequence. In her book, 5 Warning Signs You Are in a Toxic Marriage, she teaches what toxic marriages look like and their warning signs.
She encourages women to be careful both when getting into marriage and when getting out.
Zahra encourages women to combat abuse by first learning their rights as women and wives.
“Know that in no area of Islam is a man permitted to hit or harm a woman, much less his wife,” she shares.“
“Know that a ‘disobedient wife’ is one who is committing adultery as defined in Surah Nisa; it does not refer to a woman who fails to jump at every unreasonable command of a husband. A husband does not have a right to imprison you in your home, citing the hadith that you have to seek his permission to leave.”
“A just and kind husband who fears God, will not turn a home into a prison,” Zahra explains. “A good man who fears God will loathe oppression as much as God does.”
Should I ask for a khula?
It’s important for women to make sure they are involved in arranging their marriage.
Zahra encourages women to never let a potential spouse arrange the wedding without consultation or consent.
In cases of abandonment, neglect, abuse, oppression, and harm, it may also be possible to get what is known as an annulment of the marriage.
One sister recalls the pain she endured through her then-husband’s multiple affairs.
“Divorce is never easy. Especially when kids are involved,” she explains. “But I was blindsided as he was the one to have multiple affairs and leave to be with his other family.”
She was able to secure a divorce, but not without waiting two years in limbo for her husband to make up his mind.
“He literally left two years before he decided to file. The children are very conflicted and financially left in ruins.”
There are many reasons to get divorced, and no one should fault anyone for wanting to get out of an abusive, harmful, neglectful, or unfulfilling marriage.
Marriage in the Muslim community should be seen for what it actually is: a contract between a man and woman to love, care for, and take care of each other and fulfill promised obligations.
This article is from the archives.
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