“If  you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”

“Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said;  after marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it.”

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!”.

Her mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

During the hard times a man always looks for a woman. During the good times, he looks for the second one..

When a husband stays alone for the night, the fridge gets over 100 views in just a few hours.

How do men define a “50/50” relationship?

Women cook-they eat; women clean-they dirty; women iron-they wrinkle.

Men are like…..Commercials. You can’t believe a word they say.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

Wife: What is 10 years with me?

Husband: A second.

Wife:  What is $1000 for me?

Husband: A coin.

Wife:  Ok, give me a coin.

Husband: Wait a second!