To my dearest lover,
Before anything else, I want you to know how deeply I care for you. You are my life, and I share every bit of joy, every ounce of pain and every shred of fear that you feel.
Your dreams are my hopes, your aspirations are my wishes, and your worries, I’ll willingly carry.
I see you every morning, deep in slumber, completely unaware of the magical things that are surrounding you. I trace your face, and I smell your hair, and I make a silent but earnest prayer, for you.
“Are you there?” I asked.
You roll out of bed, some days more eager than the other, and you start your day.
You read lines upon lines of messages, and emails, and statuses and you consume visuals and audios and I wished, just maybe, maybe, you’ll feel me. I waited for you.
While you dress, while you sip your drink and chew your food, while you think of your to-do list for the day, while you make plans.
Plans for lunch, plans with friends, plans for the future.Out the door you went, and that’s STRIKE ONE.
I see a stain forming within me. A black spot.
I have so much faith in you, my dear. I know the brilliant things you are capable of. Your gentle spirit, your kindness, your generosity.
But I won’t lie and say that there are some moments when I don’t recognize you. When you curse, when you rage, when you break your promises.
But I will never stop having faith in you.
It’s almost 5 in the late afternoon, and you are surrounded by people. Cups of tea clanking, insignificant chatting, the black stain on me is quickly spreading.
I wanted to embrace you there and then. And whisper to you,”don’t you know you were made with immeasurable potential, my love?
Don’t you remember when Allah Himself, proportioned you and breathed into you from His soul? Why are you here and not taking advantage of this greatness that He has bestowed upon you?”
You laughed along with them, not knowing why or what’s funny and you stopped in the middle of the street to photograph the sunset, but you forgot.
You forgot to stop to thank and appreciate the Creator and the Artist of that beautiful Sunset.
As you walked on, the black spot in me is quickly spreading and I began to worry.
But as soon as I start to wonder if you’ll ever acknowledge my presence, if you’ll ever feel my love, I see something in your eyes.
I see your desire to be better. To do the right thing. To feel at peace. And there’s this constant tug of war within you, this pulling and pushing.
You know something is missing, but you are not curious enough to find out what. And if only you put that as your priority, my love.
If only you stop being so busy trying to live this life, and remember that there’s a more everlasting one coming right behind you.
Please be curious, my love.
Be curious about Who is the One who alternated the Day and the Night, ever so seamlessly.
Be curious about Who is the One who is protecting you from everything and anything, from things that you are not even aware of.
Be curious about Who is the one supplying you the very air that you are breathing, the very Creator of every single one of your muscles and limbs that allows you to move.
Who do you think put you here in this world? Who gave you sight, touch and the ability to think? Who gave you the ability to create? Every single idea that you have and had, who inspired it? Who provided you with the sustenance to live?
Pursue that curiosity, my love. Because you’ve missed so much.
Fajr passed as you dreamed on.
Zuhur disappeared when you chased your to-do lists.
Asr’ got skipped as you hung out with friends.
Maghrib flew by when you were on your phone.
Isha’ was pushed away as you climb to bed, empty.
So when you catch yourself wondering why life hasn’t worked out for you, why you have not felt peace and tranquility for a while, why every day seem to be a constant repetition of purposelessness, and you realize you have all of these questions you’re struggling to find answers to, I only have one for you which I’ve been dying to ask, my love.
“Why don’t you pray?”
* I hope you’ll take the time to find the answer to that question, my love. I hope you’ll find it soon. Because this black stain is engulfing my entire being, and soon I will feel nothing.
And with every passing second that you don’t remember Him, I suffer. And eventually, I will stop beating.
This was originally written as part of Aida’s Tuesday Love Letters at http://theshawllabel.com/. It’s republished with the author’s kind permission.