Some of the reasons for this is the “evil eye” and most of it is judgement from friends or from the community. And I don’t blame them. There are more lectures that speak about the ways we can fall into zina or haram relationships than steps on how to be in a healthy halal relationship with today’s circumstances.

We don’t even talk about sex, sexual expectations between marital partners in the negotiation stages, etc. Talking about the step by step guide to pre-marriage, marriage, post marriage, and divorce are taboo topics. They shouldn’t be! Maybe we could skip that last topic more often if we covered the others.  

Let’s Just Talk About It!

We as Muslims need to talk more in detail about relationships especially in the media. Muslims need real representations of romance and how to navigate it in today’s modern society.

Some may argue that all these details of love are in the Qur’an, Hadeeth, or in Islamic books but if we don’t repeatedly showcase these points into simple non-threatening steps in video formats, modern books, social media and so on we will constantly stay confused about our identity. 

It was refreshing to read Does My head Look Big in This? by the Australian Author Randa Abdel-Fattah. This is a book about a teenager battling her Muslim identity and the Australian societal expectations. It covered topics I could relate to as a teenager like asking your parents to go out with friends, dealing with non-muslim guys asking you out, etc.

When I finished reading this book, I wanted more, more stories of Muslims told by Muslims. Does My Head Look Big in This? came out in 2005 but at that time there weren’t television shows or movies portraying Muslims in a normalized way. 

14 years later, Ramy came out on Hulu. Ramy is a show that showcases the struggles of a young Egyptian-American adult living in New Jersey. It highlights the double standards towards guys and girls from Muslim Arab homes.

Although there are many discussions for and against this show, I personally think that it is a good start. When shows like Ramy get great responses there will be a push for more Muslim stories. Until then, we should encourage stories being told by Muslims from diverse backgrounds.

I can go on and on about what we are lacking but where would that lead us? Here are five ways we can start to make a change in our communities: 

Presenting Muslim Love Back to Ourselves 

1 – There should be more video or online discussion about all stages of relationships among Muslims and the struggles we go through. 

2 – We should avoid using fear tactics when trying to guide the Muslim youth. Instead we should talk about the benefits, step by step process, and lessons learned from making a certain decision.

3 – Communities should hire imams that connect with the youth.

4 – Muslims should be encouraged to tell their stories in whatever platform available. In addition, we should learn not to judge the storyteller with our own biases. 

5 – Being a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or other profession is great, but let’s not box ourselves into a few professions. We should strive for every careers or professions out there that allow our voices heard, such as supporting Muslim media makers.

Surely there are a couple of things on this list you can do to help our youth have healthier relationships than those currently broadcasted to them.

First published: September 2019