Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Brother,
Thank you for writing. Your concerns are a common one that young people face today. It can be especially difficult if you study at a university and are exposed to different peoples, values as well as being around a lot of girls in the campus.
I am curious if you have a girl in mind. If not, would your parents be supportive in helping you find a wife? I also encourage you to ask yourself: do you really think you are ready to get married? Do you have the resources to support a wife, and if not, would your parents be willing to assist you in living arrangements and such? Also, dear brother, do you feel you are ready emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to take on such a big responsibility? Would you be able to handle the responsibility of marriage and still complete your studies?
If you have answered ‘yes’ to the above questions, I would suggest you approach your parents with your desire to marry. I recommend that you have a plan in mind which you can present to them. Additionally, if you are honest with them and tell them you desire to marry so as to protect yourself from sin, they may understand.
You can also point out that marriage is recommended in Islam as a protection, and you are following our Islamic guidelines. Aboutislam scholar states, “based on the Prophetic hadith, ‘O young people, whoever reaches adulthood or becomes able to get married, he should do so, thus it would protect him. But for those who are not able to do so, they should keep fasting (Mondays and Thursdays); thus fasting would protect them.’ As we can see by this hadith, marriage in Islam is not only encouraged, but recommended for protection.”
I understand your shyness in approaching your parents. Many young people do not know how to talk about this often sensitive subject especially when they are just entering adulthood, still studying, or if they feel their parents would be opposed to the idea.
Perhaps, your parents have already told you a while ago that they prefer you wait to marry so your studies may not be at risk. Perhaps, they have someone in mind for you at a later time. However, I applaud your maturity that you desire to refrain from haram things as well as your initiative to remedy these issues in an Islamic way. If you approach your parents with this request, I suggest you do so from an Islamic perspective, citing hadiths and Qur’anic verses which would support your case.
Brother, please understand that while you feel shy, there is no need to. At one time, your parents were your age, too, and you may be surprised by their understanding of your feelings as they also had to confront these issues prior to their marriage. These are very real life issues, and I feel you are addressing them in a correct fashion. Further stated in support of this, Aboutislam scholar states, “Muslim youth are advised to fear Allah (saw) and to avoid all sources of temptation, especially at summer time. A Muslim young man is to armor himself with piety and fear of Allah (saw). In addition, he should try his best to get married as soon as possible as this will protect him from temptation.”
If, by chance, your parents will not honor your request at this time, I suggest you start to prepare yourself for a future marriage. If there are pre-marriage classes in your area, join one and learn about Islamic marriages, duties of the husband and wife as well as other topics covered by these sessions. This will be a great learning experience, and it will keep your mind focused on the sacredness and importance of keeping our bodies pure and chaste for our future spouse. In sha’ Allah, it will increase your iman (faith) to sustain you.
In addition, Aboutislam’s scholar recommends that “youth should do their best to busy themselves in doing good and useful deeds. They should avoid having more free time or having too much interaction with the opposite sex. Furthermore, they should always have friends who would help them fill their time in a proper manner.”
I would suggest becoming involved in some Islamic community activities in your area that interest you and also ones that help others as there is great benefits in helping others both spiritually and socially.
As a young man, I encourage you to keep company with Muslim brothers who seek the same path as you – preservation of their chasteness, following Islamic rules and guidelines, and those seeking to please Allah (swt). As you probably already know brother, lowering your gaze is a must. While it is not always easy, it will serve as a protection and lower temptations in the long run.
Aboutislam’s scholar states, “It goes without saying that every Muslim should spare no pains in lowering his gaze and preserving his modesty. This should occur in compliance with the Divine command given in Surat An-Nur:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest.” (24: 30-31)
These and other guidelines are also a source of protection just as marriage is a source of protection. I encourage you to remain close to Allah (swt), make du’aa’ that He (swt) guides you in the right path and helps you refrain from haram things.
Also, I want you in sha’ Allah to look to the future when you will be preparing to marry and how happy you will be that you are pure for your wife as you would want your wife to be pure for you.
While I did cover some things you did not specifically ask, I felt it imperative to cover them as your question was rather brief and I wanted to ensure I gave you the best possible response. So, in sha’ Allah, know you are on the right path Islamically by wanting to marry. Have confidence in your decision. By having confidence and knowing that your parents once experienced these feelings as well, in sha’ Allah, your shyness will begin to dissipate and you may approach them with an Islamically sound heart.
We wish you the best brother. Please let us know how it goes, or if you need further assistance. You are in our prayers.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.