Answer
In this counseling answer:
” With marriage comes learning, experience, and the ability to begin to control ejaculation. Right now you cannot learn techniques to control it as you are not married. Therefore, dear brother, you must trust in the fact that through a loving marriage you will learn how to control your ejaculation.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum brother,
Thank you for writing to us. As I understand, you are concerned about the size of your penis as well as premature ejaculation. First of all, brother, penis size is relative, meaning what are you comparing your penis size to? Your concern about penis size is a common concern of many young men, especially those who are virgins and do not yet know of sexual relationships. It is a worry that causes many young men sleepless nights – unnecessarily. After getting married, most young men find that their fears of size and satisfying their wives were unfounded fears. Also, it is a fear that is normal!
As you are not married yet, you are naturally concerned with the functioning of your body, and the size of your penis in regards to satisfying your wife. It’s completely normal as you have no experience yet to compare it to. I am confident, brother, that your future wife will be satisfied with you sexually.
As virgins, you both will be excited and somewhat afraid maybe of the first few sexual encounters. This is natural and normal. You both will begin to learn how to please each other and make your intimate moments enjoyable. This also includes your “issue” of premature ejaculation. As you are not sexually experienced, brother, you have not yet developed or learned to control your ejaculation. Wet dreams are not an indicator of how you will perform.
Naturally, when you are first married, you and your wife will need some time to develop sexual techniques and ways to make your lovemaking last. This comes with experience. Right now, you are excitable sexually and when married it will be the same way. However, with time, you will learn how to control your ejaculation as you get used to the new sensations of lovemaking. Most married men do ejaculate prematurely from time to time, but it is nothing to worry about.
I would kindly suggest that you focus on you and your future wife’s relationship by building a closeness based on honesty, trust, love, and sensitivity to each other’s needs. Take your time with your future wife in the bedroom. After all, you both will be new to making love. Instead of looking at it as a dreaded event, try to look at it as a new bonding experience that will bring you both closer as you learn new things together.
I would not tell any future wife that you have a smaller penis and premature ejaculation. First of all, it is probably not true. Secondly, you are disclosing things that may embarrass her or set up a situation wherein she may start looking for these things and lose confidence in herself. I would kindly suggest that you try to understand that penises come in all sizes and generally have the ability to provide pleasure!
Also, I am confident that your penis is of normal size as studies have shown that most men who feel their penis is too small, in fact, have an average size penis.
With that said, with marriage comes learning, experience, and the ability to begin to control ejaculation. Right now you cannot learn techniques to control it as you are not married. Therefore, dear brother, you must trust in the fact that through a loving marriage you will learn how to control your ejaculation.
I kindly suggest that you have the confidence in yourself and your Creator that everything will be fine once you are married. Have confidence that you will begin to grow into your sexuality with your wife.
Until then, please focus on other areas of marriage which will help produce a loving and solid union. Sex will come naturally between you and your future wife, in sha’ Allah. Just trust in Allah (swt) and know you are not the only man who has these fears. In sha’ Allah, once you are married you will find all your fears were unfounded.
We wish you the best.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
