Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,
Thank you for writing to us with your most heartfelt question. You have a very beautiful heart, may Allah (swt) reward your kindness and your ability to think of others and trust in Him. It is a difficult situation you are in. You indicated he is an amazing man and Muslim and “you never met such a soul”. Yet, you indicated he needed a liver and blood transplant which sounds like a very serious procedure, and additionally according to the doctors may not have long to live.
Sister, I would kindly suggest in sha’ Allah to go to his doctor with him and discuss his condition with the doctor. This will give you greater insight into his illness as well as his prognosis, and any genetic issues should you decide to marry and have children. I would kindly suggest writing down any and all questions, concerns you may have to ask the doctor. Be sure to bring note paper and a pen to write down the doctor’s responses. After you go to the doctor with him and get all the information you need to make an informed decision, then make istakharah to Allah (swt) seeking His guidance. This is not an easy decision sister, and having the most knowledge you can as well as making istakharah is vital.
While it is true that none of us know when we will be stricken with illness, it would have been better if he had told you when you first met rather than forming a bond and then telling you. Things of this serious of a nature should be discussed as soon as marriage is offered. It is only fair to the other person. However, perhaps, because of the nature of his illness, he would be afraid you would not consider getting to know him, and it sounds as if he may have had great hope in his recovery at one time, but perhaps not now.
When you met him, how was his health? Did you suspect anything, or did the disease progress slowly? Sister, there are many things to consider such as whether he can work again. Would you be okay with being the financial provider if he cannot? Are you okay with not having children should he be unable to? Would you be able to take care of him when and if he is sick and bedridden? These are just some considerations on the traumatic side of things.
On the positive side, you indicated he is a great man and Muslim, and you clearly have an attachment to him. And Allah (swt) is the ultimate healer. It may be that your fiancé comes through this okay and that you both will live long and healthy lives. It is quite possible that this is a test for you both. We just never know how Allah (swt) will test us in this life.
My sister, this is a decision only you can make. You must do some deep soul searching after you speak with his doctor and become more informed and educated. I would also kindly suggest that you do make a list of the pro’s and con’s for marriage to him as well as talking with him at great length regarding what marriage between the two of you would look like. See also whether his family is supportive and could help and talk to your family if you do decide to marry him.
There is a great blessing in loving and supporting one who is ill, and may Allah (swt) bless you both should you decide to marry. It will not be easy, and it may be trying at times, but again, we never know when illness will strike us or death. The rewards of caring for each other in this life through health and through sickness are great. But you must ensure you are marrying him for the right reasons – for the sake of Allah (swt), because he is a good Muslim, you are both compatible, and he would make a good husband. The Qur’an states that
“Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.” (3:185)
Sister, if you decide not to marry him due to differences in expectation of marriage as he is ill, please do not feel guilty. It would be worse to marry someone out of pity because you feel obligated, but yet you have realized that you really cannot handle all that will be needed. If you do this, sister, you both may end up unhappy and miserable. In fact, it would be worse for him as he would need a loving and supportive wife. In fact, if you decide not to marry him because you feel you are unable to handle the immense responsibilities of marrying someone who is ill (understandably), perhaps Allah (swt) in His infinite mercy will send him a wife who is able. Just be honest with yourself and him about your abilities, sister.
Please do make lots of du’aa’ to Allah (swt) for guidance and for his healing; make istakhara prayer regarding the decision to marry him and trust in Allah (swt) at all times. He (swt) will not lead you wrong. You both are in our prayers, sister. Please let us know how things work out.
Salam,
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