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My Love Left Me; I Cannot Forget Him

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 19, 2019

Question

Salam,

Greetings!

I suffered a lot, sacrificed my happiness, and struggled a lot in my life. Due to my parents’ negligence, I am single. I do not have a good family. They are toxic people. They ruined my life.

I found a man of my dream that I was looking for. We talked daily chats and video calling but we met only once. He is such a nice man I was looking for. He likes me and I like him. I found out that he has the same family problems that I have, even worse than mine. His mother has ruined his business and he is now not established. He cared about me so much. He loves me, but he did not like that I am a sensitive, emotional lady. He is such a humble, respectful man that every good woman wants.

I’m closer to Allah since the age of 21. I met him when I was 29 years old, and now I am 32 years old. We were together for 2 years. Then he fought for no reason, left me, and blocked me from everywhere. I’m a good person, a good daughter, a good sister. I love him sincerely with pure intentions. He knows this and he has also good intentions, but I know he cared about my life, so he kept me away and left.

I cry day and night since 2017 and pray day and night. I text him but no response I tried to call from some other number, but he blocked all numbers. I am in severe pain. I cannot forget him. I cannot allow another man to marry me. I cannot be with someone else. What should I do now? .

Counselor

Answer


My Love Left Me; I Cannot Forget Him - About Islam

In this counseling answer:

• Take a lesson from this experience. If you want to seek marriage to this man, or any other for that matter, make sure to do so with a mahram.

• Do everything in the correct way, according to Islam, from the very beginning. This ensures that you do not experience the same heartache again.

• Please give time to other things as a means to find happiness in yourself that does not depend on others. Do things that you enjoy, do something new.


Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

It seems you have had a tough time in life from a very young age, which has affected you until now. You found a man you have loved very much, but he has shut you. You have had no contact since the last 2 years despite numerous efforts.

Firstly, as tough as this may be, take a lesson from this experience. If you want to seek marriage to this man, or any other for that matter, make sure to do so with a mahram. Talking to the opposite gender alone, even online, can easily lead to the development of the emotions that you are experiencing. With no third person present, this communication can soon lead to haram relationships.

My Love Left Me; I Cannot Forget Him - About Islam

This is what has happened in this case. He is free to walk away from what you two had developed, as you were not married. Whilst the sin is in being alone together, there is no sin in him walking away as you were never halal for each other anyway.

Again, as difficult as it may be to search for positives in this situation, think about the following.

Painful as it has been for him to walk away, it has also served as a protection for you both. Since he denies contact, it means that there has been no opportunity for you to further develop your relationship, commit further sin, and do things that may be even more disliked by Allah.

You might feel right now that you will never move on and you can never love another as you love him, but it is possible.


Check out this counseling video:


If you still wish to peruse him, please ensure to do so in the correct manner by having your mahram approach him on your behalf.

Take all measures to ensure you follow Islamic principles in making this relationship halal through marriage. Otherwise, take steps to move on and seek marriage to someone else.

Learn a lesson from your experience and make sure to do everything in the correct way, according to Islam, from the very beginning. This ensures that you do not experience the same heartache again. As you get to know someone else, you will find that your past feelings will diminish as you forge a relationship with someone in the correct manner.

Aside from this, more generally, please give time to other things as a means to find happiness in yourself that does not depend on others. Do things that you enjoy, do something new; start a new hobby, study something new and beneficial, make new friends. These types of things will help to bring happiness into your life that has otherwise brought you much upset.

You have experienced much disappointment in your life at the hands of others, so it’s now time to take control yourself and find happiness through other means. This will not only boost your own self-esteem, but it will equip you with the skills to manage life’s difficulties more effectively.

May Allah bring happiness and contentment to your life, and may He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

After a Breakup, How Can I Win Her Heart Back?

After Break-up: Check an Emergency First-Aid Kit

5 Steps to Getting Over a Breakup

 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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