I’m Older Than My Fiancé; His Parents Reject Me

03 December, 2019
Q I have a Muslim boyfriend who is 31 years old. He promised to marry me despite the age difference. Should I accept it? But the cultural practice of my home country does not allow a woman to be older than the man. I am scared that his parents will not permit the marriage, yet we love each other. Thank you.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

• In Islam, at your ages, there are no restrictions on who you can marry due to their age.

• Let them see that you are a good person for their son. Arrange a meeting.

• Take the time to consider these options carefully and make istikhara.


As-Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

Often cultural differences get in the way of the couple marrying for one reason or another. In this case, you are concerned that his family will not support the marriage as you are a bit older than him. Such a marriage is, therefore, not congruent with your culture.

This is simply a matter of culture and is not a part of Islam. In Islam, at your ages, there are no restrictions on who you can marry due to their age, besides a 5-year gap is not that much of a gap.

I'm Older Than My Fiancé; His Parents Reject Me - About Islam

You could still go ahead with the marriage even if they don’t agree with it. However, there may be consequences if they don’t support it that will make things difficult from the start of your marriage.

The first thing to do is to bring it to them. Perhaps they will accept it after all. The best thing you can do to give this potential marriage more of a  chance is to bring the proposal to them in the best way that lets them see that you are a good person for their son. Inshallah, they will be happy and comfortable for him to spend his life with you.

To do this,  you could arrange a meeting between the 2 families so that they can also see that you come from a good family too. If they are happy that their son is marrying a good wife from a good family then they will be more likely to accept the proposal regardless of age. Pursuing marriage in the correct way like this may also make them more lily to agree too.

If they support it, then alhamdulillah, but if they don’t then you need to make the decision. Marry this person anyway and be prepared to face the potential consequences from his family, or forget the marriage and go your separate ways.


Check out this counseling video:


Take the time to consider these options carefully and make istikhara that Allah will guide you to do what’s best.

May Allah guide you and grant you a righteous spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes I this life and the next.

Salaam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Am I Ready to Accept Her Marriage Proposal?

Am I Too Young To Marry at Seventeen?

A Convert: I Thought I Married a Pious Husband

About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)