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I’m Afraid This Marriage Won’t Work Out

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 04, 2017

Question

Assalamu alaikum, I have been with this person for nearly 2 years. I met him on social media (please do not judge). We kept talking as friends until we began to have feelings for one and another. We have always had religion in mind so after a year we decided to inform our parents. We did, they agreed which was Alhamduliah great. The rules were not dating nor seeing each other which was fine. I am not stressing and feeling anxious that it might not be written by Allah. So far, it's been positive. I am so determined to marry this person at the appropriate age. He cannot pray the istikhara prayer yet as he had an operation and needs to recover. In the mean time I am feeling so depressed. I feel guilty. I am a practicing Muslim. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am very realistic and understandable I just want to support and take one and another to paradise (Insh'Allah). My family memebers and also his are saying remain positive. But I just want this to work and happen. I haven't had the most great upbringing and finally I am happy. I just want it to work so badly. It's upsetting and I need advise. I do apologize for the long paragraph.

Counselor

Answer


I'm Afraid This Marriage Won't Work Out

Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh,

Ma sha’ Allah, you are seeking to marry a spouse and things seem to be going to plan. However, you have concerns about whether it will work out.

Without passing judgment as a human being but reminding you of Allah’s rules, contact between a man and woman, without your mahram present is not permissible as Shaytaan can interfere. This includes contact online as much as face to face. Understand that Allah (swt) creates boundaries for a reason – for our protection. We should trust the wisdom in this and abide by this in order to please Him.

However, you have done the right thing in consulting both families and seeking their support and have set strict and halal rules of no dating or seeing each other. This is not only for the purpose of obeying Allah (swt) and pleasing Him and guiding you to Jannah. If you truly care for this man and desire Jannah for him also, then it is for his sake as well. You will also avoid haram contact at this point. Having your families’ support will be a huge assistance in helping you to stick to these rules and forward in a more acceptable way.

You have also done the right thing in making istikhara to be sure if what you are doing is the right thing. Be assured that if Allah (swt) says it is not to be, then He will put obstacles in the way of the marriage moving forward. You should be content with this decision that He has better plans for you as difficult as that may be to accept now after two years of seeing each other.

But, also understand that this may be for the best. Allah (swt) knows best what’s good for us. Continue to pray istikhara and trust that Allah (swt) will make happen what is meant to be. He will guide you on this path. Accept that this path is what is best for you; whether it is to marry him or not.

Another thing you should also do is ask for Allah’s forgiveness. Allah (swt) loves to forgive and answer the prayers of those who call upon Him. Part of repenting will also include ensuring that you don’t fall into the same sin again which is done by abstaining from any haram contact with this man whilst you are not married.

Asking for forgiveness and developing a trust of Allah (swt) by continuing to pray istikharah will help to ease your anxieties around the whole issue. Your connection with Allah (swt) will help to relax your concerns about things working out as you will find contentment with whatever He has decreed for you.

May Allah (swt) grant you a righteous spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes and bring you happiness in this life and the next.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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