Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum brother,
Managing finances has, indeed, become an increasing burden upon society in general, and getting into debt as a result of study is very common. Often, the only way to progress in a career and education is to take courses that will incur a substantial fee. Therefore, in order to advance, many are thrown into this same situation where they have to borrow money to fund this.
In your situation, the thing that makes this situation especially difficult is that you are now at the stage in your life where you have completed your education and obtained a career and now desire to get married and have children. As the man of the house, the responsibility will be on you to provide for your wife and children.
Financial constraints caused by debt can lead to this sense of anxiety that you experience in the fear that you will not be able to provide for them. At the same time, however, you feel ready to enter this stage of your life, but it will be at least 8 years before you are free from this debt and able to commit your full income to your family. Therefore, your forced with choice as to whether pursue marriage and not provide as much as you would like to due to the debt, or wait at least 8 years before you get married once you are free from this debt. This is one of the very reasons why financial issues, namely debt, are causing so many psychological difficulties to many people.
There a number of things you can consider in moving forward with your options in mind; get married now whilst still in debt, or wait until you’re debt free.
Regarding the first option, marriage is prescribed to us by Allah (swt) for a number of reasons. Having a spouse will not only provide you with a sense of emotional security and comfort, but will also protect you from committing sins as a means to have such needs met if you were not to marry. At your young age, you will have a natural inclination to have these needs met and marriage provides you with the best and most halal means of doing so. Regardless of your finances, marriage can contribute to these aspects of your well-being. If you fear that the debt will make it difficult for you to provide for your family in the way you want to, and you fear this might make your future wife unhappy, then you can discuss this with her in your marriage meetings and make your situation clear to her. If she is not happy with this, then she can chose to decline your marriage proposal and you won’t have to face any difficulties in marriage if she was to find out after your marriage. However, it may also be that the financial aspect of your relationship is less important and she is most concerned about marrying a righteous man who will provide her with emotional support, in which case, the financial situation will not be a bother to her. It maybe that you have to start off in a smaller house with fewer luxuries and if your wife is happy with this, then alhamdulilah, there is nothing to stop you from moving forward with what you can realistically afford, free from focusing on the things that are less important.
If it is that you chose this option to pursue marriage before you are relieved from your financial commitments, then you just need to ensure good money management, planning carefully with your income how to spend your money each month after settling your monthly/weekly debt payment. Ensure that you don’t neglect to take care of something that is essential such as food or bills, for example. This will require careful planning, but it is a way to make sure that you manage successfully your income. In time, with patience, you will progress in your career, in sha’ Allah, and your income will increase, making it either easier to pay the debt off sooner, or giving you higher means each month to manage other finances on top of paying off your loan.
Alhamdulilah, you say your loans are private and, therefore, repayments are minimal; therefore, you also do have the option to pay back smaller amounts over a longer period of time and having less effect on you daily living expenses. It maybe that if in time you become more financially blessed in your job that you can increase these payments in line with increases in pay.
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (Qur’an, 65:3)
Regarding having children in particular, above having a wife, might feel like even more of an anxiety provoking situation financially as they will be relying on you to provide their basic needs at the very least, but be assured that Allah (saw) tells us that He (saw) provides. Not having children for fear you will not be able to provide for them is generally unacceptable in Islam as we are encouraged to have children to increase numbers in the Ummah.
Say, “Indeed, my Lord extends provision for whom He wills of His servants and restricts [it] for him. But whatever thing you spend [in His cause] – He will compensate it; and He is the best of providers.” (Qur’an: 34:39)
If you decide that you want to wait until you are free from debt, then you will need to learn to control yourself during this time and don’t let yourself slip into Shaytan’s traps and take you away from the fold of Islam. Keep Allah (saw) close and work on your most important features during this time such as increasing your faith and acts of worship. You may feel even more content with what Allah (saw) has decreed for you and feel more inclined to comfortably follow in His path and, therefore, increase features that will be most attractive to a woman seeking marriage, i.e. that of piety and righteousness. A way the Prophet (saw) recommended doing such is to fast as you will be forced to abstain from the haram as a means of purification and getting closer to Allah (swt). You could make this fasting a regular part of your weekly routine in order that it becomes a habit that protects you and brings you closer to Allah (swt).
It was narrated from Aishah that: the Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire. (Sunnan Ibn Majah)
If there is a way that you could compromise, then sometimes this can lessen the burden of such a decision. One such example in your case may be to choose to go ahead with the marriage and during the time that you are searching for a spouse, after setting aside any necessary expenses, pay off as much of the loan, via accelerated payments, as you possibly can during this time before you have this added financial responsibility in your life.
Furthermore, as with any important decision, put it to Allah (swt), pray istikharah and ask Him to guide you to make the decision that is best for you and any potential future wife and children.
May Allah (swt) bring you ease in your financial affairs and grant you a wife of understanding who will provide you will comfort and happiness.
Amen,
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