His Mother is Against Our Marriage; How to Convince Her?

13 August, 2019
Q Salam. I’m facing a big problem and I’m so troubled in this situation. My fiancé and I arranged our wedding last month. Everything got ready to celebrate the nikah ceremony. All were fine.

4 days ago, however, my fiancé and I got a phone call and we got some problems. I called him to talk about some things about our wedding. At the time, he was on the way and he had a car crash. He shouted at me and was so angry. I felt so sad and angry. I thought that’s not my fault, why he shouted and got angry at me. I cried a lot and I felt deeply hurt.

I did not want to do this nikah. I was afraid of him. So, I told about this problem to my parents. My parents were also very angry. Next day, my parents called his parents and talked about this problem. Our nikah was canceled.

But I have changed my mind: I want to marry him now. His mother was very angry. She can’t accept this. He is the only son and he has no father, so he doesn’t want to against his mom. For me, I really want to arrange the nikah again and he also, but the main problem is his mom.

Now, she is planning to marry him off to another girl. But he didn’t accept it and he came back to Japan. I really want this nikah with him. What should we do?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

• Pray and make du’aa’. Never give up on these and continue asking for Allah’s guidance.

• Arrange a meeting with his family and members of your own and talk about it openly as a big family.

• Another option is to just set a bit aside and leave him to work on his family and come to you when he is ready for marriage.


As-Salamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

It sounds like you have faced a lot of complications in proceeding with this marriage which makes you very distressed, understandably.

Of course, you want to try and make this marriage happen as soon as possible to put an end to all the stress and move on with married life. However, with things being very heated at the moment and interference from the parents, you are left feeling even more frustrated.

The first thing you are doing is the best thing to do; praying and making du’aa’. Never give up on these and continue asking for Allah’s guidance. They will guide you and bring you comfort during a tough time. This will indirectly help you to approach the situation more appropriately as you are calm and focused.

His Mother is Against Our Marriage; How to Convince Her? - About Islam

There are several different ways in which you can approach the situation, but be sure to give them some serious thought before making a choice. Make istikhara regularly and allow Allah to make things happen in the way that is best for you all.

To take a more forward approach, you could just go ahead and get married against his parents’ wishes as it is not a must for them to approve of the wedding. This way, you will get your marriage quickly.


Check out this counseling video:


However, this route may come at a heavy cost in terms of future relations with his family which may ultimately have a devastating impact on your marriage further down the line.

Another approach is to arrange a meeting with his family and members of your own and talk about it openly as a big family. Let them see that you are a good person from a good family and you are serious about marrying their son.

Another option is to just set a bit aside and leave him to work on his family and come to you when he is ready for marriage. If it is meant to be and is good for you, then Allah will surely make it happen. If your potential husband abandons it, then maybe it was never meant to be and you would be able to determine this yourself as he is not serious about moving things forward. This way, you are distancing yourself from the stress and allowing yourself to relax a bit as things settle down.

Contemplate over your options, take them to Allah and ask for His guidance. Whatever happens, feel content that Allah is the best of planners and whatever happens is what is meant for you and what is best for you.

May Allah guide you and grant you a righteous spouse when the time is right.

Amen,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Marriage Issues and Parents’ Will: Can I Stay Unmarried?

Married against Parents’ Will: What to Do?

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/parents-oppose-our-interracial-marriage-what-to-do/

About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)