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Fiancée’s Mom Has a Bad Reputation; Shall We Still Get Married?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 18, 2019

Question

Hello. I want to marry a girl. We are both Muslims, alhamdulillah. I love her and she loves me too and we are planning the marriage, inshallah.

Her father is well known for his goodness in the society while her mother is known as a liar and sometimes accuse people of crimes which they didn't commit. My parents warned me about this marriage. The girl I want to marry has also a good attitude and we talk almost every day, but her mother is the problem.

I am getting confused. I need help. What exactly should I do now; marry her or let go of the marriage?

Counselor

Answer


Fiancée’s Mom Has a Bad Reputation; Shall We Still Get Married?

In this counseling answer:

• Ask Allah to guide you to make the best decision about what to do in this scenario.

• You could buy a bit more time whilst trying to make the decision by arranging further meetings between the families to get to know each other further.

• The most essential thing is for you and her to build a strong relationship between the two of you.


Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

It is always difficult when a man and woman desire to get married yet difficulties between the family make the choice to marry a very difficult one.

The first and best thing to do in this scenario is to make istikhara. Ask Allah to guide you to make the best decision about what to do in this scenario. If this marriage is good for you, then He will make it happen, and if it is not then He will place obstacles in the way.

Fiancée’s Mom Has a Bad Reputation; Shall We Still Get Married? - About Islam

You could buy a bit more time whilst trying to make the decision by arranging further meetings between the families to get to know each other further, especially the mother who you are not sure of. This will allow you to make the decision yourself over whether she could be a problem to your marriage yourself, rather than potentially canceling a marriage based on a fact that you are not sure if you have only been informed by others.

After all, this may just be a baseless assumption. If you cancel this marriage based on this and then find out it’s not true, you will be losing out on a good opportunity. If you make the decision yourself then you can know that it is based on what you have seen yourself, not what others have told you.

This extra time will give you the space to consider your options more thoroughly. Think about the options that you have, namely to proceed with the marriage or not, and what the strengths and weaknesses of each decision are. It is even best to write this down so that you can visually see the consequences of each choice. Use this to analyze the most favorable response and outcome for you and her and your families.


Check out this counseling video:


If you do end up choosing to go ahead with it, the most essential thing is for you and her to build a strong relationship between the two of you so that if Allah forbids, your mother’s assumptions are correct and things get difficult, your strong relationship will see you through successfully. You could also continue to support the two families on strengthening family relations overall by possibly hosting the two sides of the family in gatherings so that they can continue to get to know each other also.

If you chose to walk away, start looking for another spouse, otherwise, you may find yourself having regrets and continually thinking about what would have happened if you went through with it after all which will only make moving on more difficult.

May Allah make the choice each for you and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Couples’ Big Problem: The In-Laws (Watch)

Parents-Children Conflict over Choosing a Spouse

I Can’t Accept My In-Laws’ Interference

 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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