Answer
Answer:
Dear sister,
Thank you for trusting our abilities to guide you through a difficult phase in life. Marriage is a sacred bond which serves the purpose of establishing a family as put forward by Islam. This institution is a mixture of love, care, commitment, understanding, sacrifice, and compromise where both partners are supposed to show these qualities. It is, however, not easy to find the best match because humans rarely concentrate on the good side of people, the characteristics of the people, and are more focused on facets such as money, career, and looks. An ideal match should rather be scrutinized upon the individual’s traits, piety, and, foremost, belief.
The Prophet (saw) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
As you said that the person chosen by your parents is a “good Muslim and prays to Allah (swt)”, close your eyes and let Allah (swt) decide what is good for you.
A practicing Muslim is a human being who has his own likes and dislikes. If the guy is not interested in getting into a halal relationship, why do your parents force him to marry you? While being a believer is an important characteristic in a partner, his will also holds great significance when it comes to marriage.
Have you tried asking him the reason behind his sudden refusal? Did you get into a fight or a recent disagreement? Or did he or his family get into a conflict with your parents? Think about it as this might be a reason for the change.
If this is the case, talk about it and clear things. For instance, if his job is an issue and you see your parents commenting on it, which could be a reason for him to step back, try to make him understand the viewpoint of your family that he is unable to ingest. You can make him understand the justifiable concern of every family towards the future and security of their children.
Similarly, think about your previous fights. There could be some opinion, comment or answer from your end that has either been inappropriate or misunderstood that made him change his mind. If this is not the case, then try asking him. Talk over the phone or meet him up. This session could also be followed in the presence of your family later.
There might be someone else who would be creating a misunderstanding between your families. Sister, the world has all sorts of people and not everyone is happy with what you have. Ask him. Someone might have communicated your or your family’s wrong image that needs to be cleared. You can only find this out through your limited sources that would be time consuming and skeptical measure. The best option is to ask him about his behavior.
If he is not interested in marriage, why are you still talking to him? And why is he still talking to you? If he is talking despite his will of going away, then you should cut all the connections.
Talk to your parents when things have cleared up. If you see his persistence in not going ahead with marriage, discuss it with your parents. There is no point in forcing the guy because he might do the same thing after marriage. You cannot take a chance that things will change after marriage and risk your life. Tell this to your parents. There is no point running after someone who is not ready to be with you. I know moving on is tough, but that is the right thing once you are sure that there is no miscommunication in this case.
It might be possible that he is interested in marrying someone else for whatever reason. Knowing this, do you still want to be with him? Don’t you want to be with someone who would love you for what you are, instead of being forced upon someone who has made his mind?
You need to take it one step at a time. If he no longer feels that he wants to marry you, let him go. Make your parents realize this that their daughter deserves real love, care and concern. And it is okay. Everyone has their own reasons.
As you said, you are unable to find a perfect match; people tend to choose one person over the other. But this does not make anyone bad. It is the will of Allah (swt) because if this marriage does not happen, He (swt) surely wants the best for you.
As far as your concern for committing a sin is concerned, know that Allah (swt) is the All Forgiving. Your sincere repentance will earn you a great place in His eyes, in sha’Allah.
“And he who repents and does righteousness does indeed turn to Allah with [accepted] repentance.” (25:71)
Sort the matter by asking him the reason for not desiring to marry you. If it could not be resolved, and if it is his own variance of interest, let it be.
First, tell your parents that neither the guy nor you are interested in marriage and ending it is in the best interest of both the families.
Next, try moving on. It would be difficult in beginning, but with Allah’s (swt) help, it will all be easy. Cry if you feel like. Isolate yourself if you want to. Take time but get up and move on. You cannot cry over someone not loving you or loving you and leaving you because he was insincere.
Instead of fretting over it, try being around with family member and friends who show pure love. Go out, explore, and develop your hobbies. Take some time to concentrate on yourself and then, In sha’Allah, you will eventually get the best life partner.
I pray that your struggle becomes easy. Remember to pray to Allah (swt) for guidance and peace in life.
Salam,
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