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How Can I Tell My Parents I Want to Get Married?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 20, 2019

Question

I want to marry someone but I am afraid my parents will refuse on my first attempt to asking them itself. I am also too shy to open up about it to my parents. I pray a lot of istikhara as well. I can wait for a few years; it is not necessary that I marry so soon.

Counselor

Answer


How Can I Tell My Parents I Want to Get Married?

In this counseling answer:

•It is a natural desire and process to seek marriage when one is of age and ready.

•If you feel shy to speak to your parents, you may wish to write a letter that you can then read to them.

•I’ll kindly suggest as well to bring up points about marriage from reputable hadiths and from the Qur’an.

•You may also wish to discuss the type of person that you feel you would be compatible with to marry if you have not already found someone.

•If they are not supportive, you still have the right in Islam to get married regardless.


As salamu alaykum my dear sister,

As I understand, you found somebody that you would like to marry, or you would like to get married, but you are afraid to tell your parents.

Thinking about Marriage

Sister, you are at the age where people usually start thinking about marriage. There is nothing to feel shy or fearful about this. It is a natural desire and process to seek marriage when one is of age and ready. It sounds like you have thought about what you would like and feel that you are ready for marriage.

Speaking with Parents about Marriage

I will kindly suggest that you speak to your parents. If you feel shy, you may wish to write a letter that you can then read to them. This often helps one focus better on what you want to say.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

Oftentimes shyness can cause us to forget what we have to say, miss certain important points, or get sidetracked in a conversation. By writing out what you would like to say, you can structure it in simple points yet express all your feelings at the same time.

Using the Qur’an and Hadiths for Talking Points

I’ll kindly suggest as well to bring up points about marriage from reputable hadiths and from the Qur’an. You may also wish to discuss the type of person that you feel you would be compatible with to marry if you have not already found someone.

Parents may Surprise you!

When you tell your parents insha’Allah, you may be pleasantly surprised to find out that they are open, receptive, and happy to help you. It may be that they are thinking of marriage too, but do not know how to approach you either! It could be that they feel you are not ready to get married yet, or they think you do not want to get married. By telling them, you are letting them know that you are ready for marriage. Insha’Allah, your parents will be very helpful and supportive of your desire to get married.

Right to Get Married

If they are not supportive, you still have the right in Islam to get married regardless. While it is always the best to have our parents’ blessings for our marriage, we do not need their permission as it is your right Islam has given to you. If the potential spouse is Islamically acceptable for you to marry, there should be no barriers to marriage in Islam.


Check out this counseling video


Conclusion

Insha’Allah, your parents will be supportive sister. Again, writing out what you would like to say and highlighting your points and reasons will be most helpful, especially since you are shy.

May Allah bless you and guide you in your endeavor to get married. 

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

He’s Not a Pakistani; My Parents Reject Our Marriage

I’m Older Than My Fiancé; His Parents Reject Me

I Want to Get Married, but My Father is Silent




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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