As-Salaam ‘Alaykum sister,
I pray that you have proper guidance and support in your situation. It must be very difficult to feel what you are experiencing right now.
Here are a few points you must consider moving forward:
– Marriage is a life-long commitment that requires dedication, growth, knowledge, and practical stability. It will have tough times and good times as anything else.
– You should not get married to escape living with your aunt despite her ill treatment of you. If you feel you are being used and abused to the point that it is intolerable, then you need to contact family protective services and report your aunt. The only way your aunt can continue abusing you is if you enable her by not taking necessary steps. If she is being investigated by the state, she will be legally obliged to improve her treatment towards you and your brother. Serious circumstances require serious action!
– If you continue to feel despair and have suicidal thoughts, please contact a suicide hotline and seek help immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.
– If your aunt refuses marriage based on non-Islamic principles, then you need to get other family member support for your decision. Secondly, if your aunt is married to a non-Muslim man, some scholars might consider her marriage invalid and her opinion as incompatible with Islamic law. Thus, you may be able to marry without her consent. However, this is a matter of fiqh that should be discussed with a scholar of Islamic law. So kindly, contact your local imam for further help and/or write to our ‘Ask the Scholar’ section.
– Yes, avoiding zina is important, but it is not a substantial enough reason to get married when other factors are not ready such as finances and your own home. If you are in danger of committing zina, then you should (i) fast and (ii) ask why you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation with this brother. If you are following sacred law during your encounters, then you would not fear to do something wrong. You should consider how you are spending time with this brother and honor sacred law. If you really know he is right for you, and you are marrying for the sake of God, then you two can trust that it will be facilitated smoothly. More importantly, you should fear to commit zina (in all its forms, kissing etc.) as this will take away the blessings of your future marriage.
– If your fiancé is financially stable and able to take care of you, in addition to that you found you can get married without your aunt’s consent, after praying for guidance, try to move your marriage forward. It is best to marry when you have the means and you are ready, as the Sunnah teaches us.
– Do your best to prepare for marriage by researching resources in Islamic roles and relationship skills in the field of psychology. Try to better equip yourself with the knowledge and tools necessary to sustain a prosperous marriage.
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