As-Salam ‘Aleikom brother,
Thank you for contacting us regarding your concern. We appreciate it. I will, in sha’Allah, try my best to advice you in your matter.
Sexual desire is a feeling that Allah (swt) has given to human beings for the continuation of generation. It is a natural matter, but more than that; it’s a gift because if there was no pleasure in sexual desire, people would not face the heavy responsibilities and troubles of giving birth, raising children etc., so the generation would not continue.
Sexual desire is something that has been created in humans, and they cannot get rid of it. What is required from them is to refrain from fulfilling it in haram ways. Therefore, you are absolutely thinking in the right direction when it comes to the solution of your situation. Marriage is the best solution for your case.
You are saying that you can financially support your wife, but I have got the impression that you want to complete your studies before you get married. When will you complete your studies? If you are coming to an end with them, then I would recommend that you get married very soon. However, if you still have a few years left, then there are other ways you can try to control the sexual desire until you get married.
Avoid the environment and media that arouse the sexual desires
Try avoiding places, images, views, media, and anything that provoke lust. Anything that makes you close to adultery always has the danger to make you fall into adultery. Surely, adultery does not come out suddenly. The first stage to appear is the desire to come out. Use your will power to keep away from whatever makes you close to it.
Lower you gaze as it has been mentioned in the Quran:
“Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do.” (24: 30-31)
Performing fast chastens the soul
If you cannot get married now either because of your studies or other reasons, then you should observe fast which will restrain and calm down your desires. Fasting will give you patience and make it easier for you to think in any other direction.
Choose good friends
Friends have a big impact on your social life. That’s why Islam advice Muslims to avoid companions who will lead to evil acts that could end in regrets. It is easy to be influenced by the people around us, and it is easy to take on their mannerisms and qualities without even being aware of it. Besides, on the Day of Judgement, there will be a great sorrow and regret because of having wrong friends:
“And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret] he will say, “Oh, I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way. Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter.” (Quran 25: 27-29)
Here are practical solutions to control desires:
- Occupy yourself with beneficial, positive, and educational activities, books etc. and keep your mind busy.
- Do not wear tight pants and tight shorts. Tight garments that compress sexual organs stimulate the sexual desires.
- Sleep on your right side instead of lying flat on your back or stomach.
- Avoid eating too much chocolate, nuts, hazelnut, banana, spice etc., which increase the sexual appetite. Reduce the amount of beverage you take which stimulates the nervous system such as coffee, tea, or coke.
If it is hard for you to control your sexual desires, then I would advise you to not postpone the marriage. Get married and wait to have children until after completing your studies, In sha’Allah.
May Allah (swt) ease your concern and give you the ability to make the right decision, In sha’Allah.
You are most welcome to write to us again.
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