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How Shall I Deal with My Best Friend Who Insults Me?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 02, 2019

Question

As-Salamu Alekum dear scholars.

I am 16 years old and I am a very practicing muslimah, alhamdulillah. I have a friend with whom we know each other for more than 2 years. We have become very close besties nowadays, but now as I started getting closer to her, she doesn't want me to be close with my other friends.

Whenever we have a fight, I am the first one to call her. But now it’s started bothering me because she tends to sometimes insult and sometimes praise me in a taunting manner.

She was compelling me to take the same stream that she was taking, but I have refused because I want to take another stream. So, she is not talking to me now and holding me responsible for our broken friendship.

Please, help me what to do. As a Muslim, it's not right to be angry with your fellow sister for more than 3 days.

Counselor

Answer


How Shall I Deal with My Best Friend Who Insults Me? - About Islam

In this counseling answer:

•Sometimes, maintaining distance and not being too open is not equivalent to being angry.

•Approach your friend in a calm manner. Address the fact that your broken relationship hurts you as you have really cherished her company for the past two years. Let her know that her behavior is confusing and hurting you.

•You need to realize that in life you will always come across people who will hurt and damage your feelings.

•Focus on what matters the most in your life: your studies, your career, your family.

•Exercise; research found that people who are regular at exercising are hardly victims of depression, anxiety, sadness or even hopelessness.


As-Salaamu ‘Alaaikum dear sister,

Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.

Dear sister, I agree with you that it is not valid to be angry with your sister for more than three days. However, sometimes, maintaining distance and not being too open is not equivalent to being angry.

From your question, it seems as though the differences between you and your friend may be a result of dissimilar personalities.

Usually, friendships seem to be flourish when the personalities between the two friends are similar.

I have a couple of suggestions for your situation:

How Shall I Deal with My Best Friend Who Insults Me? - About Islam

Relax your mind

Before I suggest any steps, you need to relax your mind. Everyone relaxes differently. However, I suggest you take the following steps to ensure that you are not consciously or subconsciously stressed about what is bothering you.

Take slow, deep breaths. Or try other breathing exercises for relaxation.

Soak in a warm bath.

Write.

Focus on what is about your life that you appreciate.

Realize that sometimes toxic people in our lives are those whom we are related to. When this is the case, all we must simply do is to make sure that we are not letting their words and actions bother us too much.

Communication is vital

Dear sister, I understand that your friend is not willing to talk and is holding you responsible for the broken relationship. But you need to discuss the differences. Please, do not go silent and hope that the things will resolve as this often leads to further misunderstandings.

I suggest that you approach your friend in a calm manner. Address the fact that your broken relationship hurts you as you have really cherished her company for the past two years. Let her know that her behavior is confusing and hurting you.

Plan a day with your friend

When you are worried about your friendship relationship with your friend, perhaps plan a day out with her.Go for a walk. Invite her for dinner. Give her a gift. Sometimes little gestures like these erase a mistake or strengthen a relationship.

Take your friends easy

I understand that friendships are important of life and that you may feel unhappy as a result of the disagreement between you and your friend. However, you need to realize that in life you will always come across people who will hurt and damage your feelings. However, after we converse and discuss our issues with the people, it is necessary that we stop spending too much energy on these problems. 

Focus on yourself

It is important that you focus on yourself first. Focus on yourself, and not how others behave around you.

The most important thing in life for you right now is working on building yourself. Think of ways that you can achieve that and everything else will slowly subside from your mind.


Check out this counseling video


Overthinking is the pathway to mental health issues

Dear sister, prevention is better than cure. If you study how millions of people suffer from mental health issues around the world, you will see a pattern. They develop through the process of over-focusing on small and trivial situations that will have no meaning in the long run.

In ten years from now, what will matter is that you are a healthy person what can easily navigate minor troubles that are bound to arise in life. Therefore, while it is important to discuss the cause of disagreement between you and your friend, ensure that your mind is not preoccupied with it. Focus on other, more important things in your life.

For example, are you interested in pursuing a solid career?

What will be your career’s focus?

Decide what you want in life. To get what you want, you must for your goals.

Dream big. When you consider what you want to be and are willing to dream big, you will see how little family problems become meaningless because your mind is set on something even bigger.

Set goals that will stretch you, that will make you work harder and see the benefits in improving yourself to be of service to others.

Start a success/personal development/goal journal and write your goals down. Writing down your goals makes you feel as though you can plan and achieve them rather than letting them be abstract and simply part of your imagination. In addition, when you write down your goals, you feel lively, less bothered and happy.  

Exercise

I highly suggest that every student invests at least 20 min/day getting active. There is nothing better than exercise to promote productivity, positivity, creativity and happiness.

A research found that people who are regular at exercising are hardly victims of depression, anxiety, sadness or even hopelessness. It also shows that after simply going for a 30-minute walk, individuals are more creative than before they had gone for the walk. Walking outside with a happy friend or a family member also makes you forget things that once bothered you.

Dear sister, I pray that my suggestions will prove to be helpful.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Madiha Sadaf

Madiha Sadaf in an undergraduate student at the University of Ottawa, enrolled in BSc. with Major in Biology and Psychology with Minor in Health Social Sciences.

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