I was born into a family that is Muslim by name, but the only practicing one growing up, was my mother, may Allah be pleased with her.
I don't blame my family, but the truth is, Islam was not taught to me very accurately. I was taught the shortest surahs as a child, but I did not understand the formal Arabic of the Quran. I was taught what was haram, and that those who commit haram acts go to hell, but that was all. I was not even taught of repentance, I thought that was a Christian concept. I didn't understand a single thing during prayer, and it felt like a big performance.
And I was filled with nothing but fear of Allah, to the extent I became an atheist, out of both fear and lack of knowledge of Islam.
It was not until recently when I researched Islam for myself, without any cultural influence, that I understood the religion, and became a believer in Allah. I was truly lost, and he guided me, alhamdullilah.
My concern is that after years of neglecting Salah, and committing kuffur, is it possible to be forgiven? When non-Muslims revert to Islam, all of their sins are wiped away, and they are like new born babies. Can the same mercy be applied to me? I consider myself a revert because I was never taught Islam correctly, but should I pray all of the prayers I missed over the years? or am I only responsible for the salah I pray when I became a true Muslim? Jazakallah kheir.
Answer
In this counseling post:
- In all families you may observe a diversity in adherence to faith, as not everyone is equally spiritual or religious at a given moment.
- Focus on the present and on your religion now. Keep learning about Islam and practicing the deen.
- Always keep your kindness with your parents and family. You may be the one who will help them find their way back to the deen, in sha Allah.
Salam alaikom wa rahmatullah, dear sister,
Thank you for contacting us.
What you present in your letter is unfortunately not uncommon.
There are Muslims who were born into a Muslim family yet have little knowledge about the deen and do not practice Islam, or just do it occasionally or superficially.
Also, in all families you may observe a diversity in adherence to faith, as not everyone is equally spiritual or religious at a given moment.
I am saying “given moment”, because until our last breath we have the opportunity to turn to Allah and fully embrace faith, so always have hope that in one day, those less practicing family members will become stronger too in their faith and practice.
The hadith says that every child is born Muslim, but their parents make them Jews, Christians, etc. and divert them from Islam:
“The mother of every person gives him birth according to his true nature. It is subsequently his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Magian.” Sahih Muslim 2659a
While the hadith mentions Judaism, Christianity, and Magian. But it can be extended to environmental and cultural influences in general, so-called social influences in psychology.
In this sense, it applies to born-Muslims too, as they can also be influenced and diverted from the religion and its proper understanding.
And the hadith continues: “Had his parents been Muslims, he would have also remained a Muslim.“
But this does not mean Muslim by name, but by action. Being born into a family where Islam is the religion is not a guarantee of true belief and understanding.
Islam Is a Way of Life
Islam is a way of life, subhanallah, a complete religion that covers all aspects of life and perfectly fits human nature. It is much more than a label or a series of rituals; has concepts (like, for example, forgiveness) that work as shields on multiple levels.
And we were granted free will by Allah, which also means a responsibility to take a journey and search for the truth once we reach maturity.
For non-Muslims, this is the process of searching, finding, and embracing Islam, while for born Muslims, it is realizing and confirming their conviction in the oneness of Allah and in the prophethood of Muhammad, peace be upon him.
This is what happened to you, dear sister. Although you were born into a Muslim family, you did not receive a deeper education about Islam.
But once you reached maturity, you started your own discovery journey, realized the beauty and complexity of the religion, and consciously and deliberately chose to follow it from now on.
This can be considered a very similar experience to that of those who embrace Islam. So, by saying your sahada now with your own conviction and certainty, you are beginning a new chapter in your life.
He Forgivess All
And Allah says that He forgives all our sins if we truly repent and change our past behavior (or attitude toward faith and religion):
“Those who repent afterwards and mend their ways, then surely Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 24:5)
And he also says that we are not accountable for our deeds until we reach maturity.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has said,
“The pen has been raised for three persons (meaning they are not held accountable for what they do): one who is sleeping until he gets up, a child until he reaches the age of puberty, and an insane person until he becomes sane.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa’i, Ibn Majah, and Al-Hakim)
In light of this, my answer to your question is that, alhamdulillah, there is no need to worry as you can be forgiven for your ignorance, in sha Allah.
Allhamdulillah, you were gifted with real interest, understanding, and faith. May Allah keep your heart on the right path, ameen.
Focus on the Present
So, what I advise you is to focus on the present and on your religion now, in the present. Keep learning about Islam and practicing the deen.
Try also to be around like-minded, practicing Muslims, but always keep your kindness with your parents and family.
You say you do not blame them. I think that is a good approach, so please keep up with it.
You never know; Allah may make you the one who will help them find their way back to the deen, in sha Allah.
So be always nice to them and let your good manners and character reflect the true Islamic ways of life.
Find some additional readings on the topic here: Born Muslim vs Born Non-Muslim: Unfair?! New Muslims Are Muhajireen and Born Muslims Are Ansar Wiping Away Sins with Islam
May Allah help you with that, ameen.
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