After few weeks, he accused me of bullying, harassing and abusing him. He alleged I harassed him electronically by sending him intimidating messages on WhatsApp. I showed the messages to the investigating officer to prove I did not harass him; still she forced me to accept that I have done it regardless. Also, he complained I have torn the notice that he put up on the door of his room, which I admitted to, but it has nothing to do with him. He also accused me of giving him chocolates, which was surprising because I did it to show my kindness.
During the overwhelming interrogation, I maintained my truthfulness that culminated into me moving accommodation. I was upset and appealed against the outcome; however, it was unsuccessful. During those tumultuous moments, I diligently attended my lectures/seminars and performed salah. I had faith in Allah Almighty He will resolve this problem; but He did not. I was treated unfairly by the University and injustice has been done to me. Finally, I moved accommodation, however this traumatic ordeal eventually impacted my academic performance and jeopardising my Year Abroad..
I continued praying to Allah even after the incident, but later I realised Allah Almighty never wanted my good, thus, He did not help me. Eventually, I lost my faith in Allah, and I began to have suicidal ideation. I started isolating myself and neglecting self-care and scared to get out of my bed. Underneath the blanket, I would grope for an axe closed eyes so that I can dig my own grave and bury myself alive. I still feel doing this would give me comfort and peace from the worldly affairs. I tried few times to perform salah, surprisingly, I discovered I am frightened to stand on the prayer mattress.
I am anxious what if Allah tries to harm me again, because I have already gone through numerous difficulties and hardships in the past few months; however, this incident had the massive impact on my mental health. Allah Almighty made me go through unpleasant trials and tribulations, and my soul is no longer able to bear the burden. My subject divisional officer wants me to seek counselling support and talking therapy, unfortunately I don’t want to because I am not weak. I have already overcome numerous hardships successfully in my life; however, my divisional officer believe it is now time I seek help and support.
Could you please advise on how I can deal with my negative thoughts regarding the aforementioned circumstance, and move forward to live my life to the fullest? I am really lost and sceptical about Allah and His plan, so, could you please explain why Allah does not help me when I need Him the most? Why does it seem like Allah does not hear and see me in agony? I am not sure whether I should ask you how I restore my faith and reconnect with Allah because I am extremely scared. I will appreciate any kind of suggestion and help regarding the matter of Allah. May Allah Almighty bless you!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Why did you conclude that being relocated was a sign that Allah was not hearing you? Is there another alternative explanation?
- Not the actual events but our interpretation of them matters and will affect our way of thinking and feelings.
- If you are experiencing depression, hopelessness, and, as a result, suicidal thoughts, you need professional support.
Salam alaikom dear sister,
Thank you for your letter.
You are struggling with negative thoughts; you isolate yourself from others during this academic year, which you spend abroad; and most importantly, you say that you have lost faith in Allah because He was not there to help you in that situation when you most needed it.
I think there are some overlapping situations happening here, dear sister. I am sorry that you feel overwhelmed and desperate because of what has happened.
You are spending an academic year abroad and are accommodated near the university.
A New Situation
So, as far as I understand, this has been a new situation for you, studying and living in a new place with other schoolmates.
This in and of itself is a challenging situation, as you need to deal with your studies and their expectations while also having social challenges in terms of finding your place in a new environment, making friends, finding comfort, and so on.
And on top of that, you relate that you had an incident with your roommate where you tried to maintain your truthfulness and explain your intentions, which were probably misunderstood.
You prayed to Allah for help, and finally, as a result of an investigation, you were relocated to another accommodation.
Let me stop here for a moment, sister.
As I have no full picture of the story, I prefer not to comment on it but to offer you another possible perspective on the situation.
Rethink Your Conclusions
Why did you conclude that being relocated was a sign that Allah was not hearing you? Also, why did you conclude that this decision means that your explanation was rejected and found untrue?
Is there another alternative explanation?
For example, the university may relocate you to prevent future conflict and unpleasant situations with your roommate, who is said to be autistic and may require special attention.
Also, Allah may actually have heard your dua by moving out of a place where you experienced conflict and accusations for actions you did not intend to do any harm. Can this not be a possible help from Allah?
I am saying this because not the actual events but our interpretation of them matters and will affect our way of thinking and feelings, and it can turn us down.
Unfortunately, this situation seems to have caused you too much distress and made you feel that you were being treated unjustly, which led to a decline in your mental health.
Seek Counseling
You even had suicidal thoughts, which is something to be taken seriously.
You were advised to seek counseling, and I agree that that is a very good idea, especially if you are having suicidal thoughts.
This is not at all about being weak or not. It is about finding other ways of interpreting the event that caused you to feel unwell.
If you are experiencing depression, hopelessness, and, as a result, suicidal thoughts, you need professional support.
So please turn to the university counselor. Talking therapy would be a great opportunity to talk out your concerns and find solutions with the help of a professional.
It is understandable that a situation like this affects you in a negative way. You are probably far from the social support of your family and friends.
You could not focus on your studies as you wished, and you expected a lot from this opportunity. Not exceeding your expectations can also hinder your mental health.
So, again, do not hesitate to ask for help at the university. You know, this does not mean that you failed or were not strong enough at all.
So, there are many things that really and understandably can lead to a crisis, which is not necessarily spiritual but psychological.
Allah is always there, sister, when you look for His guidance. And He provides you with help and support, but sometimes we cannot see that. His help can come through people, situations, etc.
See the Blessings
Think about it: you were offered counseling right at the university, right when you needed it.
Can this not be the blessing and the help of Allah, subhanwa wata Allah?
He hears your dua, so do not lose hope.
Just keep asking for His help while being open to the opportunities and seeing the guidance and help of Allah in them. Sometimes we cannot see the bigger picture, but trust me, Allah is the best planner. This is what the Quran says.
Continue with your prayers and seek repentance and forgiveness if you think that would ease you.
Check out these additional sources:
- Dua is Powerful, But Why Not Answered Sometimes?
- Why Doesn’t God Answer My Dua?
- God Makes Me Feel Better – A Story on Trusting God
May Allah make it easy for you, ameen.
Read more:
- Help Me Navigate This World Obsessed with Beauty
- My Arrogant vs. Merciful Way of Imaan…Please Advise
- I’ve Hurt My Mum; How to Control Anger & Gain Back Her Trust?
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