I completely rejected this & at 14, I rejected the faith, feeling as if I had no connection to this new version of God that I didn't recognize. I went like this until I was 25. Then, I felt inspired to research Islam properly with an open mind. My views completely changed. I was excited to be Muslim again & identify as Muslim. However, shortly after that initial high died down, I began to feel intense shame and guilt.
I'm nearly 29 now, and I still feel so much shame for my past sins, past views, past life. I don't feel like I can compare to other Muslims who avoided the major sins. I feel tainted and dirty. I know Allah does not view it this way. I know all of these things, but I can't shake the feeling. I've learned to read Arabic, and when I am reading the Quran, I feel like a fraud. Like, what am I doing?
I have a connection with Allah, but there is this shame inside of me I can't let go of. I never felt this shame or guilt when I wasn't practicing. I was a carefree person, yet after entering Islam again, I feel this.
I don't think it's the religion bc Islam is clear on repentance and forgiveness, yet I feel like I don't belong with other Muslims. They're better than me. Their sins aren't like mine. Whatever they have going on cannot possibly be worse than what I've done. I wish I felt worthy of being Muslim. When people think I'm some pious, religious person, I want to laugh, and I beg them not view me that way. I'm just a flawed person.
The pressure of them thinking that way about me is intense because I don't want them to be disappointed if they ever knew the truth. How does a person fix this? I have a therapist, but they're non-Muslim, so I feel like they may come from a different perspective. They're great generally, but this part feels like it may be out of their field. I'm not sure. I wish I could fit in. I connect with Allah, I talk to Him, and I do feel He listens, alhamdulillah, but I just get scared of Him exposing me to people as some sort of test. I'm worried I'd fail it & lose my Islam.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Harsh teachings or punitive, oppressive and overly critical education can create deep fears. Also, traumatic experiences in your family or on a collective level.
- Seek counseling or therapy to address your fears and to work on your feelings of guilt and shame. It is important to explore where these feelings come from and to give them space to be understood and healed.
Assalamu alaikum, sister,
Thank you for your question and for explaining your struggle. I would like to tell you that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. You feel like a flawed person and believe that other Muslims are better than you.
When you try to reconnect with Islam, you experience a great deal of guilt and shame over your past sins and actions. For example, when you read the Qur’an, you feel unworthy of calling yourself a Muslim or of being a Muslim at all, even though others may see you as religious or pious.
You want to fit in, and you try to connect with Allah. You talk to Him, and alhamdulillah, you feel that He listens to you, but you are also afraid that He might expose you to people as some sort of test.
To feel unworthy of being a Muslim
When I was reading your letter, I tried to remove the religious references and reflect on the underlying issue. It made me wonder whether your struggle is actually about feeling “not good enough,” unworthy, or undeserving of love and mercy.
This, in itself, is not a religious issue but a psychological one. These feelings are closely connected to guilt and shame, which may be linked to what you mentioned about your mother, her harsh educational or parenting style, and possibly some unresolved trauma from your upbringing, given your background. These experiences shape our whole outlook on life, our spirituality and how we perceive and think about God.
It also seems that learning or reading about how things should be, or about the ideal way of living, may be activating these feelings of not being good enough. Instead of uplifting, inspiring, or motivating you, this information appears to have the opposite effect—it brings you down further and intensifies your shame and fear.
Therapy and emotional healing
Therefore, I strongly advise you to seek counseling or therapy to address these fears and to work on your feelings of guilt and shame. It is important to explore where these feelings come from and to give them space to be understood and healed.
When we are in a mindset of seeing the glass half empty, it becomes very easy to misread religious teachings and view them as something unachievable, punitive, or condemning, rather than as sources of hope and upliftment. Intellectually, you know that Islam is about mercy and forgiveness, but emotionally, you are still struggling to internalize this.
I want to reassure you, sister, that there is truly nothing to be ashamed of. We are all flawed—not just you. We were created with imperfections. Many of the companions of the Prophet ﷺ and generations after them made mistakes and committed both major and minor sins.
Islam is not about being flawless. Allah does not wait for you to be “worthy” before accepting you. Turning to Him as you are is the essence of servitude. Feeling broken does not disqualify you from His mercy.
On the other hand, harsh teachings or punitive, overly critical education can create deep fears. Also, traumatic experiences in your family or on a collective level. They can make us feel that there is something fundamentally wrong with us because of our human nature. This is not rooted in religion itself but in how religion may have been presented or enforced.
Self-compassion and acceptance
Islam, when understood and lived correctly, can be a powerful source of healing. It offers tools to help us understand our Creator, accept our imperfections, recognize our need for guidance, learn how to forgive ourselves, begin again, repent, feel gratitude, and move forward.
However, when religion does not feel uplifting—and when there is a history of emotional wounds, trauma, or difficulty in one’s upbringing—those wounds must be addressed first.
For this reason, I kindly encourage you to seek professional counseling to work through these underlying issues. Self-compassion, acceptance of your fears, and understanding the origin of these doubts can reduce their effect in your life. May Allah make it easy for you and grant you healing, peace, and clarity.