I am a 22 year old university student.
I live in a joint family of 6 people that includes me, my parents, my sister and my uncle ( my fathers older brother) and his wife.
My whole family has always been very religious and practicing. My uncle has performed Umrah and Hajj as well. He is our guardian who basically takes every important decision of the house and my father being younger listens to my uncle.
We fulfill every obligation that Allah has asked us to.
I am the youngest and have always had the luxury of everything that my older siblings and cousins didn't.
I was not very punctual in praying and practicing until my college days in fact , I have started praying often very recently.
My basic intent to tell you all this was to tell you how my life has been.
I had my every dua and prayer accepted by Allah when i was not praying.
I was getting good grades even without hard work.
I was having less anxiety and anger issues as well.
But since I started praying everything went downhill.
I never for anything that is bad or materialistic in my prayers too.
I ask for forgiveness and little things like good grades and peace even when I am working hard now.
But nothing is working. My grades have gone bad to worse.
I am feeling confused and clueless and anxious at the same time. I don't know what to do?
Does Allah not want me to pray to him ?
And if i stop praying will he again accept my every dua ?
Idk what have i done to make him angry.
I think there is No One up there anymore.
I am unable to cry as well because I have this heavy weight on my chest that doesn't let me cry.
Please I need guidance
Answer
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
When things are going well when we are not high in eman and keeping on top of our obligations, and then things start going badly when we start increasing our acts of worship, this is a huge test from Allah.
This is something that we all experience to some extent at some point or another.
Alhamdulillah,you are doing the right thing. You have started praying, but unfortunately, everything else seems to be going wrong.
This is making you question whether Allah is angry at you or if He even exists. Astaghfirullah.
There are some things you can do to get out of these thought patterns and in sha Allah get you back on track.
Seek Refuge from Shaytan
Firstly, now that you are praying again, make sure that you also remember to seek protection from Shaytan.
It is the Shaytan that whispers the types of thoughts you are having.
He does this to deter you from turning to Allah, as he wants you to believe that you were better off when you weren’t praying. Thoughts like this will lead you to abandon prayer in pursuit of more worldly matters.
What Really Matters Is the Akhira
This leads on to the next point. Think about the things that have changed for you with regards to the feeling of going downhill.
Are these matters related to having a good life in this Dunya? Are you perhaps feeling frustrated because worldly matters don’t seem to be going your way?
Remember, what matters most is the Akhira and actually, the fact that you are now praying is a sign of success, even if other worldly matters are falling apart for you.
If you stay firm in faith, continue to pray and get through the test, the reward will come from somewhere you will probably not even expect.
Trust in His Plan
Another thing to think about is, again, reflecting on what it is that seems to be going wrong for you right now. Perhaps there is a good reason why these things are being taken away from you.
A reason that is better for you that at the moment only Allah knows. Maybe you will find out soon, or maybe it will take some time, but eventually you will come to know that, by Allah’s will, this is the path chosen for you.
Only a strong faith in Allah will help you to be OK with this and satisfied enough not to let it cause a lot of bother to you.
This is where continuing to strengthen your connection to Allah through prayer will help you in this respect. You could even ponder over some potential reasons if this helps, such as finding benefits in the situation.
Take your grades, for example. Perhaps Allah wanted you to feel uncomfortable with good grades to give you a push to study harder so that you get even better grades and attain something greater.
On the other hand, perhaps the subjects or topics that you are failing in are not for you and won’t be good for you further down the line, and He wants to save you from falling into the wrong career at this early stage to save you heartache further down the line.
Perhaps He wants to place you in a position to try something more suitable that will be better for you and more pleasing to Him.
Change Perspective
Either way, the main point here is to use a seemingly negative situation as a means to push you in the right direction under the guidance of Allah.
Whilst it presently feels like He is neglecting you, you need to prove your faith to Him for your own sake. This will require patience and persistence.
Have confidence that Allah is hearing everything, even if you feel He is not, and that His wisdom is greater than any one of us, so what may seem like a terrible thing to you will be something that is actually a blessing but you don’t yet see it.
Holding firm to your faith will make this easier. Alhamdulillah, it seems you have some good people around you who will serve as good role models for you in doing this.
May Allah ease your concerns and support you out of your current difficulties. May He reward your steadfastness with the best in this life and the next.
Read more from Sr. Hannah Morris:
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