Answer
Answer:
As-Salaam Alaykum brother,
I am sorry to hear you are in a difficult time. It seems you are creating a cycle of suffering for yourself. It is understandable that you look for comfort and have an attachment with this sister. However, the nature of the relationship you described seems to be unhealthy.
Sometimes, things taste good (for a period of time), but in the long run, it starts to wear and tear our souls. Similarly, a lot of fast food tastes good and we enjoy it, but later we feel sick and lethargic, because the food does not possess any really energy or nutrition. Sometimes, relationships are similar. Based on what you shared, I offer the following advice, and I hope that with God’s permission, you find openings and blessings in it.
- Get back to God! Increase in your taqwah (piety and fear of Allah). You are going astray with your actions because most likely you are not connected to God through prayer and dhikr. They are God’s cure to the heart, making what is haram disgusting to the soul.
“And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out, And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (Quran 65: 2-3)
- Your life should not revolve around a woman or your sexual desire. This reflects a lower functioning self. Through dhikr of God and using your time for beneficial things, your mind will become clear. Once you replace your thoughts with higher things, this will result in better moods and correct action.
- Start fasting as well as decreasing contact with this sister. If your sexual energy overwhelms you, go get some exercise and release your energy. If you are still sexually aroused, then in my opinion, it is better to masturbate than keep committing zina. This is the lesser of two wrongs principal.
- Tawaqul; know that God controls all things and that you should depend and trust in Him. Focus your time and energy on getting a job. Income will open the doors for you to be able to support a future marriage, and you will no longer need to get gifts and financial support from this sister.
- Istighfar; return to God and seek forgiveness for your wrongs, no matter how abundant and often it happens. Keep going back. It’s Satan that wants to make us feel despair and give up. You will always make mistakes, and God will always be there for you to reform yourself.
- Get moving! Start praying; make daily dhikr as you walk to find jobs. Keep busy with good company and helping others. Make your focus in daily life purposeful and beyond the sister and your desire. You must be consistent with your actions, and with time you will transform in sha ‘Allah.
Salam,
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