Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Sinful Past?

10 April, 2018
Q Salam. I’m a Muslim girl who is 24 years old. I’m in a relationship with a boy who is at the same age as me. We have been together for 4 years and the first two years were on and off. I have been in a couple relationships before him and committed sins in my past relationships with him which he already knows. I have committed sin with him and done things I shouldn’t. I pray, repent, and I ask Allah for forgiveness. Recently, my current boyfriend keeps bringing up my old past. He keeps pestering me and asking me questions about which guys I have been with or done stuff with because “he wants to know what kind of girl he’s bringing home” (his words). He already knows about my couple of ex, but there is some stuff I don’t want to tell him because he judges me and calls me horrible names. He says I’m not a ‘good girl’. I pray to Allah for forgiveness for my sins I just want to forget about the past and move on and marry this person I’m with but he has said to me he would never marry me if I don’t tell him everything about my past. Any advice?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

“You are starting a new life in Islam. I would suggest that you surround yourself with righteous Muslim sisters and continue to focus on your relationship with Allah as well as continuing to build yourself up in Islam. Allah loves you, sister, but Shaitan would love to see you fall again or be depressed or feel anxiety because of these cruel and mean people.”


As-Salamu Alaykum,

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. You have been through a lot, repented and are now trying to live the life that Allah has commanded.

Sister, I am a bit confused. As I understand it, you have a boyfriend now whom you have done haram things in the past with? And now he is asking you and obsessing over your past when he himself has done haram acts with you?

I would kindly suggest that you leave this boy and just stop talking to him. I know it is not what you want to hear but as you know, the first thing is that as a Muslim you are not supposed to have a boyfriend.

Secondly, this boy seems as if he will never let you be in peace even if you did marry him. It seems (and Allah forgive me if I am wrong) that he will never rest and will always make your life miserable by questioning your past. The thing about this is, he himself has a haram past. However, he still feels he can judge you, make you feel bad and threaten not to marry you. This is not one who has mercy or kindness sister. Do you really want a future husband who is like this? Please do think hard on this.

As far as revealing your past, if you have truly repented to Allah for your sins and asked for forgiveness, Allah has forgiven you sister and covered your sins. When Allah covers our sins we are not to keep talking about them, revealing them and pondering on them.  It I like we still have one hand on our sins, not willing to let go. It’s like we don’t trust Allah’s forgiveness and mercy. Our sins sister are between us and Allah, no one else.

I encourage you to trust in these blessings from our Creator, who loves us very much and do not divulge what Allah in his mercy has covered.

As far as the other people saying things about you, while I know it hurts, I would kindly recommend that you get rid of the whole lot of bad, negative people in your life – your “boyfriend” included. These people do not mean you any good. In fact, it sounds as if they are trying to destroy you.

Sister, you are starting a new life in Islam. I would suggest that you surround yourself with righteous Muslim sisters and continue to focus on your relationship with Allah as well as continuing to build yourself up in Islam. Allah loves you, sister, but Shaitan would love to see you fall again or be depressed or feel anxiety because of these cruel and mean people.

You are a pious, beautiful young Muslima now and I suggest that you leave this boy in the past as he does not mean you any good. You deserve to be happy, loved, cherished by a future Muslim husband who isn’t so concerned with your past but is, indeed, concerned with who you are now because that is what truly matters.

Insha’Allah, you will realize that this boy cannot bring you peace and happiness. He is a stumbling block sister. Insha’Allah, you will consider your growth, changes and realize that your path to Allah and to having a happy life insha’Allah, is one that is filled with positive and upbuilding Muslims.

Not ones ready to tear you down or bring up your past. Everyone has a past, but it is just that – a past. We are now in the present, moving towards the future. Please, do insha’Allah ask yourself, what kind of people do you want to bring with you in your future and will they benefit you Islamically?

I am confident you will make the right decision sister inshaAllah.

We wish you the best,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/shall-i-marry-a-man-with-sinful-past/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/sinful-past-shall-marry/

Fiancé Cannot Accept My Sinful Past

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.