Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam sister,
Firstly, let me reassure you that you did the right thing to end the relationship. You are right; you were disobeying Allah (swt) as it is haram to have a relationship with someone outside of marriage. This is for our own protection, and you have had the unfortunate experience of being the victim of some of the negative consequences of engaging in a haram relationship, such as the spread of rumors.
However, you have done the best thing you can to rectify this mistake by repenting to Allah (swt), staying away from such relationships in the future, and searching of a spouse in the correct and most appropriate way that is prescribed to us by Allah (swt).
Unfortunately, however, you still face the consequences of what has already happened. The most important thing to keep in mind when dealing with the judgement of others is that actually their judgement of you is completely irrelevant – what truly matters is Allah’s (swt) judgement of you. Ultimately, you will be judged by Him (swt) and not them. Keeping this in mind will help to give you strength when faced with their insults and judgements.
This might also strike you with fear, knowing that engaging in a haram relationship as you were is unacceptable in the eyes of Allah (swt), but you have followed all the right steps in repenting for the sin and have conducted yourself appropriately since. It is now for you to be confident in the mercy of Allah (swt) as the All-Forgiving.
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Qur’an, 39:53)
Continue to make repentance and seek His (swt) forgiveness. By time, your heart will be soothed and reassured by His (swt) mercy. The fear of His (swt) punishment, however, will also guide you to do all you can and take all the necessary steps to ensure that you do not fall into haram relations again to protect yourself from His (swt) punishment. Use this as a lesson to learn from and correct your behavior to a more positive one that is pleasing in the eyes of Allah (swt).
Regarding those who are mocking you, see this as an opportunity to sort your true friends from those who are not good friends. Those who are good friends would not mock you. They would realize that you are full of repentance and would support you in moving forward with your life. These are friends you know will always be besides you in the future. They are those who stay close to their deen in their dealings with other people.
As for those who continue to mock you, Allah (swt) gives us very simple instruction on how to deal with such behavior.
“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.” (Quran: 41:34)
This can be a very difficult thing to do, even if it is just as simple as saying nothing back to them and ignoring their insults. But if you study the many examples we are given on how to manage these tests, then it will become a whole lot easier. Firstly, we can look at the way our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw) and, in fact, many of the other prophets were frequently mocked and even physically abused, and how they managed it by patiently bearing it and leaving them to Allah (swt).
“So be patient over what they say and exalt [Allah] with praise of your Lord before the rising of the sun and before its setting; and during periods of the night [exalt Him] and at the ends of the day, that you may be satisfied.” (Qur’an 20:130)
Tests can be a means of expiating sins which, in your example, is a really useful way to look at this test. You committed a sin by engaging in a haram relationship, and the test of people mocking you as a result can also serve as a means to expiate for these sins and purify you. Furthermore, even if you still see this as some kind of punishment from Allah (swt), remember that punishment in this life is far more favorable than the next.
“Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet (saw) said, ‘No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.'” (Bukhari)
Also, their insults will only go on for so long, eventually they will get bored of it and stop. But this is for you to be patient with. As Allah (swt) tells us:
“For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease” (94:5)
May Allah (swt) make it easy for you to bear other’s insults with patience, and make it easy for you to find a righteous spouse that will bring you happiness and contentment in your life.
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