Answer
In this counseling answer:
The counselor urges the brother to come clear about who the father of the child is and assume the responsibility for his deeds. He further advises him to reflect on this experience and use it for good while seeking Allah (swt)’s forgiveness.
Read the brother’s first message here.
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum,
Thank you for clarifying the issue. The information you provided is highly valuable, and it would have been best to include it in the original question. As for your question about what is your responsibility toward the child, I refer to the following response by Muhammad ibn Adam Al-Kawthari.
“There is a hadith:
“The child will be attributed to the husband and the adulterer will receive the stone.”(Muslim)
The meaning of this hadith is that the right of paternity will always be for the person to whom the mother of the child is married. Hence, paternity will not be established with the adulterer. If the woman is unmarried, the child will only be attributed to her.
The hadith says that the adulterer will receive the stone, meaning that he is liable to be stoned as punishment and not receive the child, or (as some scholars have explained) the meaning of stone here is “deprivation,” meaning he will not have the right of paternity.
Moreover, the jurists mention that if one was to marry a woman whom one had impregnated, and the child was to be born six months or more after marriage, then the child will be considered legitimate. However, if the child was born prior to six months elapsing, he or she will not be considered legitimate. (See: Radd Al-Muhtar and other fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) references).”
Thus, in light of the above, if the child is already born before marrying its mother, the child will, without doubt, be considered illegitimate; hence, paternity will not be established with whom she had committed adultery even if he was to marry her.
According to this fiqh ruling (Hanafi madhhab or school of jurisprudence) the child is already considered illegitimate, so even if you were to marry the woman at this point, paternity would not be established.
What needs to be done, however, for the sake of everyone involved is that there has to be an effort on both you and the woman’s part to come clean to the husband about the child. Honesty is imperative in this situation because the husband cannot continue to live under the false pretense that the child is his. It affects his rights and responsibilities as well as the issue of inheritance, and so forth.
I would suggest you contact the woman and urge her to make an attempt at coming clean about the situation. In addition, the laws of the countries involved in the case must be adhered to. Therefore, you must make an effort to inquire about the laws of child support, for example, and what your responsibilities are under them.
I think an attempt now has to be made to make good of what has happened by using this incident as a catalyst for changing your ways and drawing closer to Allah (swt), realizing that when we live our lives in forgetfulness of Him, we are already in the fire.
Too often, as adults, we are not conscious of how our deeds affect the lives of our children. We often act selfishly, not taking into consideration their lives and future. It is this kind of negligence and irresponsibility that creates generations of children that are brought into this world without love, without real care, without guidance, and without any hope of success. Our children’s lives and characters are a reflection of us, so whatever they do that we find displeasing, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
I hope and pray that you can reflect on what has happened and use it for good. Use it to take stock of yourself and your lifestyle and make a sincere effort to turn to Allah (swt) for forgiveness, guidance, and strength. This is what we all must do in the ongoing struggle with our selves.
Salam,
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