Answer
In this counseling post:
From a medical perspective, what happened is very common in the early stages of pregnancy.
From a spiritual one, sometimes what we experience as tragic or unjust might be a sign of protection from Allah and a sign of His mercy and love for us, we never know, and that’s the essence of belief. It’s important we maintain our belief and trust in Allah the Almighty.
See what good this event brought to your family and what possible harm this loss could have prevented.
Wa alaikom salam, dear brother,
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and doubts with us.
I think it is truly beautiful that you love and care so much about your mother and would like to understand what happened from another perspective and find meaning in this loss. You saw her being excited, and your family came closer thanks to the news of the pregnancy, and you shared her joy and closeness, alhamdulillah. May Allah keep your family a loving one, and may Allah keep your kindness and care for your mother.
Your mother is 47 and got pregnant, but in the 6th week, the pregnancy did not continue. I am sorry for the loss and for the hardship it might have caused your family.
Medical perspective
Well, brother, I know that your case is unique to you, and that is what matters, but if we look at it from a medical perspective, what happened is very common in the early stages of pregnancy.
There are numerous studies about the possibility of experiencing pregnancy loss.
According to this article, one, in 2012, found the chance to be between 11-22%, while other studies put it around 10-15% that one pregnancy ends up in miscarriage in the first and second semester.
According to the same article, age is one of the biggest predictive factors: after the age of 45, there is a 50% probability of suffering a miscarriage.
As you can see, women in general are likely to experience a miscarriage through their lives, and at the age of your dear mother, even more, every second one.
Still, from a medical perspective, when a miscarriage happens, it can be understood that the fetus, for some reason, could not develop further due to some anomalies. The miscarriage has a protective function, preventing putting into risk the life and health of the mother, the baby, or, in some cases, both.
Spiritual perspective
And here comes the spiritual perspective, brother. As you know, Allah is the Most Wise, and He knows what we do not.
He protects us from harm and prevents future complications from some events that seem tragic or uncomprehensible at the moment.
Think about the story of Prophet Musa and Al-Khadr in Surah al-Khaf. Al-Khidr acted in a seemingly “cruel” way, for example, when he killed that boy or when he leaked the ship of the fishermen. But he knew—by the will of Allah—what was unknown for Musa, and behind his action was indeed the protection of good people from harm and loss.
Try to see what happened through the same lenses and see what good this event brought to your family and what possible harm this loss could have prevented.
For example, you became closer as a family, alhamdulillah. That is a blessing. You were able to rebuild trust in your father, and alhmadulillah, that is again a blessing.
It could mean many other things for each family member, maybe a wake-up call or a reminder. And lastly, but not least, it may have prevented harm to your mother or the baby’s health from possible complications during or after the birth.
I hope this helps to comprehend that sometimes what we experience as tragic or unjust is indeed a protection of Allah and a sign of His mercy and love for us.
May Allah help you and your family to keep being close despite this loss and preserve your bonds and love for each other, whatever the plan of Allah is.
Here is a hadith for these moments of hardship:
„Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it.” Sahih Muslim 2999
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